Key Mindset for Success In Approaching Women
The Keys to Approaching Women in Any Situation
I talk to men every day about every aspect of their lives. I get some guys who have women already, or are married, but it’s always a wide-range of topics.
If there is one thing that consistently comes up as a problem area for Men more than anything else, it’s The Approach.
How to talk to women. How to walk up to a stranger you are attracted to and meet her.
It should be simple and easy – and can be – but it is just a really difficult skill for a lot of men to acquire.
Here’s just a common example of the problem men come to me with from an email I received yesterday:
On Nov 12, 2015, at 5:27 PM, Name Withheld <email address hidden >
Dear J D,
I was in the college library and saw this girl smiling at me. Went up to talk to her and just had a slight ‘hi hello’ chat. I always kind of wonder, what will she think of me, am I disturbing her, is she too young for me?
These thoughts come into my mind. No wonder I haven’t got ‘success’ in years
with women. Hey buddy need your help. I am determined that even if I have 5
hours per week - I will succeed.
Cheers My friend – Name withheld
That is a direct quote from one of my student’s emails. You see the main problem – how do I approach women? – and you may even see some of the little problems that ad up.
So let’s dive in now.
I’m going to share with you some Approach technique and Mindset that most men never think of or understand. It is not as detailed as my training classes or personal coaching, but it should help give you a foundation for approach success.
Things You Need to Know About Women You Will Approach
What you want to find is a woman who is available, preferably single, and hoping to meet someone. Think about it: If she is at a point in her life that she doesn’t have a man, and wants one, then she is wide-open to being approached. And how do you know if she is single and available? You go find out.
What you often find are women who are not available. For whatever reason. Here’s just a few:
a. She has a boyfriend. She’s happy with him.
b. She’s married. She’s happy.
c. She is a lesbian. She doesn’t want a man.
d. She just got her heart broken and all men right now are jerks.
e. Bad day, bad attitude, stressed, time-pressed, etc.
f. Is crazy-town and not on her meds…
g. On and on - fill in your own…you see where I’m going with this…
Notice that none of the “unavailable” reasons have anything whatsoever to do with YOU. They all have to do with HER. A majority of the time, men misinterpret “unavailable” as “rejection.” It’s not that you suck.
She is not rejecting “you”. She is rejecting the idea of being approached because she is not open to the idea of a new man in her life at this moment – something she decided way before you came along. You just came along at that time.
Important Facts to Know about Women:
a. Women love sex just as much or more than you do.
b. Women actually love being approached when the circumstances are other than the items listed in point 2 above. It makes their whole day.
c. The prettier/hotter she is – the less likely she gets approached as much as she would like. Men assume she MUST have a boyfriend, or that she is out of their league.
d. They can tell instantly if you are nervous or insecure, and it sets off red flags and makes them nervous and insecure.
e. They can instantly tell if you are relaxed and confident, which also sets off flags to make them relaxed as well.
Hopefully that helps put in perspective what you are likely going to deal with when you see a woman you are attracted to.
Now, lets’ refer back our student’s email.
He says, “I always kind of wonder, what will she think of me, am I disturbing her, is she too young for me? These thoughts come into my mind.”
You may have had those same thoughts right before you approach a woman, or something similar.
If you are thinking things like, “I am bothering her. I don’t know what to say. She’s probably got a boyfriend anyway,” and any manner of negative thoughts, then you have instantly destroyed your approach and chances.
The number one mindset men have when going into an approach, I have found, is this:
“I hope she likes me.”
While it may be true – yeah, we hope she’s interested – this absolutely the biggest mistake you can make when entering an approach.
Well, first of all – it is going to color everything you say and do. It is like you will be auditioning for her, and then letting her decide if you pass. Your body language, confidence, tone of voice, things you say – everything – is affected by this mindset.
Instead, what you SHOULD be thinking is: Will I like HER?
That’s right. You will be evaluating her.
You are instantly more confident. More relaxed. Not over-eager, not desperate. And it too will color everything you say and do.
Yes she is pretty. Yes she is hot. She probably knows that too. So you cannot give her a free pass based on looks. She gets that free pass all the time.
If you are a confident man with options, you don’t need this to go well to make you happy. You’re just checking out someone you may want to add into your life. Plenty more women available. You may have heard of this described as the “Abundance Mentality.”
You can tell when some has plenty of money, or isn’t worried about money. They give it away. They don’t complain about it. They spend it freely.
Acting like you have plenty of options, access to women and dates in your life makes you incredibly more attractive to women. They are pretty competitive for the “best males”.
Here is one more piece of advice I can give you about the whole pre-approach stage:
Don’t get hung up on the outcome.
Let me translate: If you are thinking that you HAVE to get her number, she HAS to kiss you, or any other scenario that if it doesn’t play out then it’s a failure – you are doomed.
And consider this common approach:
“Hi – may name is John. You are really pretty – can I get your number so I can ask you out sometime?”
Not only is that outcome-based (go get her number) it is totally inappropriate and creeps women out.
I often tell guys, what if you walked into a sports bar and asked a guy with a football jersey on to give you his number so you could be bros and watch football together?
He’d look at you like you were crazy.
On the other hand – lots of our guy friends we hang out with we just sort of met, hit it off over something like playing guitar, watching your favorite team, similar gym goals – whatever. And at some point we end up just having each others number.
Wouldn’t that be awesome to just “have happen” with women as well?
It is awesome, and it can happen.
What I want you to understand is, it is much more successful to engage a girl in conversation, find out if you connect, see what you hit it off on and then it is just expected to exchange numbers. Because now you have a reason to other than, “I don’t know you but want to ask you out.”
The key, then, is to talk first. Find out what she likes and does. See if that interests you as well. See if you even like her personality. Then decide you should exchange numbers.
How do you engage these kinds of conversations?
Well, it would take about 3 or 4 more hours just explain everything I know in detail about this, but I’ll give you a quick idea.
One of the things you do is called, “elicit values”.
You’ve probably heard that term if you’ve studied any PUA material at all.
It simply means find out what makes her tick. What does she like or feel strongly about?
THEN you can CONNECT with her on that or those subjects.
I don’t recommend simply asking, “So what do you like or feel strongly about…”
That’s not gonna work.
You have to be creative, confident a little bit stealth. Which is the kind of stuff I teach in this Audio Class Set.
I’ll share one thing with you now, though, that you can take and build into your own approach conversation starter.
I’d say that almost every woman has strong feelings and opinions about romantic relationships. So instead of poking around in the dark with several lines of questioning, let’s go with something we’re probably going to “hit” on.
Again, you don’t just ask her how she feels about relationships.
You create a scenario to ask her about, like this for example.
“Hey – give a female opinion on something: Is kissing someone cheating?”
It’s just a quick example of how you can “elicit values” from someone and get opinions that you may agree with, and connect.
I can - and do - give you dozens and dozens of things to say, ways to start interesting conversations, keep the interaction going, and all the proper mindset and preparation in all of my Audio Classes.
My training is detailed and specific, and it is all stuff you can download now and use right away.
Now, we are just scratching the surface.
But let me leave you with this, from my email conversation with the student:
On 11/12/15, JD Dallas <email@example.com > wrote:
It happens to lots of men. They totally mind-fuck themselves before they
even approach. It boils down to confidence - which comes with experience,
and your inner-game which comes from learning new mindsets that I can
In my experience - if you get more than a quickie polite smile it’s a green light to approach.
Food for thought:
As you decide to talk to a woman, have you ever considered…
1. I wonder if I will even like her
2. She will love this. Women love to be approached, and I’m going to make
3. Women want sex as much or more than men
4. I go after what I want
5. If she is available I’m in
6. She may not be available for a million reasons - none of them are “me”
Compare those thoughts to the ones you described:
“I always kind of wonder, what will she think of me, am I disturbing her,
Is she too young for me?”
Which serves you better?
All the best until next time
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As the man, it’s your job to approach.
So you may as well get used to it - and then get GOOD AT IT.J.D. Dallas