7 Tips – Get Older Women to Respond Online

by | Feb 9, 2018 | Guest Posts |

Turning to an online dating site for assistance in the pursuit of an older woman is one of the easiest routes you can take. Not only can you quickly find profiles of women who are the age you desire, you can learn enough about their interests and preferences to assess the likelihood of compatibility before you even approach them.

And then there’s the approach. Hiding behind a computer does wonders to soothe the nerves when attempting to reach out to an older woman. If they don’t respond, there’s no epic discomfort.

Obviously, though, the goal is to write a message that will elicit a response. So how can you increase your chances of hearing back from older women on a dating site?

Getting an Older Woman to Respond Online

According to Josh Fischer at SNAP Interactive, a 2013 survey of members of “Are You Interested” (the previous name of the dating site FirstMet) revealed that there was an 8-10 percent chance that a man would receive a response from a woman who was eight to 10 years older than him, which was double the likelihood of getting one from a woman his own age.

Pretty exciting stuff. It seems that older women want what you have. But are you presenting it in the right way? We want to make sure you are, and that’s why we have broken down some of the best tips to stack the odds of getting a response in your favor.

Personalize the message

She needs to know you actually read her profile. An impersonal message that was obviously also sent to dozens of other women is a really good contender for the trash basket.

Even if the woman just wants sex, she needs to know that you have an idea about who she is and what she wants before you write her. So do it — Read the profile. Or at least skim it.

Look at it long enough to be able to start a conversation with her. If her profile mentions countries she’s visited, ask her about them, or let her know if you have been to those places too and what your experiences were. If she has pets, kids, an interesting hobby, whatever it may be . . . Reiterate the specifics (dogs, 5-year-old daughter, zip-lining in the Amazon Rainforest) and ask questions. That’s a great way to show her you cared enough to learn a little bit about her and are genuinely interested in learning more.

Spend time on the right dating sites

With so many sites to choose from it can be difficult to choose which site you will have the best success meeting an older woman. Do a little research before you start and check out some recommendations like this review of the best dating sites to meet cougars. People have already done the research on which sites are the best, you just need to find the info.

Even if you follow all the advice we can provide it won’t matter if you are wasting time on a low quality dating site. It is very easy to fall into that trap and it can be hard to tell a high-quality site from a site that looks good but has few attractive women.

Be nice

There have been some pretty weird pick-up tips passed around the male dating pool. One of the more unfortunate ones is the notion that insulting a woman will somehow make her more into you. It’s time to throw a funeral for this idea.

A mature woman has most likely done significant work on herself. She’s probably had some bad relationships and maybe even endured emotional abuse. She may have spent a small fortune on a self-help book collection, therapy, seminars, workshops, retreats . . . you name it. This woman has claimed her self-worth and her feminine empowerment. She won’t feel lucky to be with you if you ask if it’s hard to get dates at her age. She’ll more likely walk out.

So if you have a tendency to make subtly offensive remarks or ambiguous jokes, you might want to revise your approach.

You don’t need to be sugary sweet and you want to be able to understand and use her instincts to increase attraction. Be genuine, but be kind. There are no points to be gained here with put-downs. If you have a temptation to make them, try looking at why that is. If it gives you a confident boost, it’s time to look for a new way to achieve that result.

Think about what you have to offer and how to show those assets to a woman. If you bring out the best in yourself, you won’t need to knock her down to feel like you’re on the same level. You will instead be stepping up to where she is.

Don’t open with a sexual statement

Even if her profile says she isn’t looking for anything serious, don’t break the ice by asking an older woman if she’s “DTF” or guessing that she must be really good in bed.

The hook-up culture that exists today is not the dating world that an older woman started out in. She’s used to being asked her name before being asked what her favorite position is. She likes a warmup. So warm her up.

Show her you’re capable of stringing together a couple of intelligent sentences. Be respectful. Show interest in her as a person. This is a key point that many men miss unless they’re looking for a relationship. Guys, even if you’re just looking for a casual fling, this doesn’t mean you should be treating a woman like a sex robot. She’s a person.

Even if she’s open to casual sex, she needs to feel safe and comfortable with you. This can only happen if you show her respect as a human being. If you want to have sex with an actual woman, treat her that way.

Use a complete sentence

Don’t send a message that only contains one word, like “hi,” “hey,” or “hello.” And definitely don’t start off with a message that doesn’t even contain a word . . . you know exactly what I mean.

An older woman who opens a message that says “’sup” or “wyd” is just going to assume you don’t know how to speak to her. And if you don’t know how to speak to her, how could you possibly know how to do anything else with her?

The same goes for emojis. An emoji can be acceptable later on in the context of a conversation but it is certainly not the most impressive way to introduce yourself to an older woman for the first time. What could she possibly be expected to say to a bug-eyed face with a tongue sticking out, sent from a stranger? The only logical response is the delete button.

Constructing a message that at the very least contains a subject and a verb is the best way to ensure you are starting off on the right foot. You may get away with brief remarks like “nice pics” but you can do better. A woman is more likely to respond if she sees you’re making an effort to start a conversation. Show her you’re willing to take a few more seconds to type an entire sentence. Or maybe even two! For instance, “You have great photos. Where was the beach shot taken?” is a much more effective expression of the same sentiment.

Find the right type of flattery

Despite what may be gleaned from some of the chatter floating around, there is nothing wrong with complimenting a woman. Also, you don’t have to avoid the topic of her looks.

For example, it’s great to acknowledge how cool it is that she built houses for Habitat for Humanity. That shows you actually read what she wrote and are interested in her for more than just superficial qualities.

But there’s no reason you can’t tell her she’s beautiful, too. What woman doesn’t want to hear that? It’s a matter of delivering it at the right time, in the right dose, and in balance with comments about her non-superficial attributes. If you overdo it, you could sound insincere or seem to only care about her looks and nothing else.

Open with a message that is not related to her appearance. After she’s responded initially and you have shown interest in something beneath the surface, then you can say something nice about her looks. Just don’t go on and on about it. And if you are going to point out a particular feature, please don’t let it be her boobs or butt. Please. Eyes are fine.

Don’t blow up her inbox

An older woman will most likely feel creeped out by pushiness. If a woman hasn’t responded to your message, don’t write her again. It will do much more to push her away than it will to draw her in.

She hasn’t responded because either she’s not interested in messaging you, she hasn’t decided if she’s interested, or she plans to later but hasn’t had the time. In all three of these scenarios, a second message from you will have the same result: no response.

If you don’t hear back from a woman you reach out to, sure, it may be disappointing or slightly bruise your ego, but you need to brush yourself off and move on.

The right woman for you will be interested in responding to you. The ones that don’t are saving you both time so that you can find more compatible partners.

Be careful with the age topic

It’s up to you to decide whether or not to mention the age difference, but if you do, be tactful.

First of all, consider what type of dating site you’re on.

If it’s a general dating site and the woman hasn’t specified what age range she’s open to, you may want to approach the topic, but in a gentle way. Some older women worry that the man didn’t notice her age and is afraid to ask if he realizes he’s messaging an older woman, so it can be a relief if he mentions it right off.

Then again, you don’t want to offend her by making her feel old. You also have to be careful to not sound like you are using her for an experience or a fetish.

Just take some care in your phrasing. Instead of “I’m down to get with a MILF!” you might say something like, “You sound very interesting. I really enjoy philosophy as well. If you are open to meeting a younger man, I’d love to hear from you.”

Now, if you are specifically on a “cougar” site, then you already know the woman is interested in dating younger men, so it doesn’t need to be mentioned. It can be, but you really don’t need to start there.

Take note of why she’s on a cougar site. It may be a sexual thing, or she might love that younger men have the energy to keep up with her, not just in the bedroom, but in other activities she enjoys in life. Either way, if you mention age, do it respectfully, and you’re much more likely to get a response.

These tips should help you to hit the right buttons on the keyboard to get a response from older women on dating sites. Take note of what works for you and remember, the right older woman will respond to a good message. So if you have a good message and don’t get a response, that woman’s probably not right for you. But there are plenty more who are.