Being More Attractive on The Inside
Much of today’s focus, particularly when it comes to dating is focused around how we look. In this transient and somewhat hostile age of swiping right if we like someone’s photo and swiping left if we don’t - never has attraction felt more superficial.
Indeed, in a society where social media is taking over, we are becoming more and more focused on the way we look and how we are perceived by other people, that we ae starting to live our lives behind a mask that portrays what we want others to see rather than who we truly are.
If allowed to get out of control, this state of living behind a mask can become pathological in the form of clinical narcissism yet for most people it is merely a protective shield that seems necessary in the world we live in today.
As a guy, particularly if you’re just entering the dating world, it can feel cold. You can feel judged on every aspect of yourself from your body to the clothes you wear to the car you drive and even your performance in bed.
There’s often a lot of pressure to portray a strong, masculine alpha male energy in order to attract the women you want to attract - yet, after a while this begins to feel somewhat hollow, superficial and like there’s something missing.
If you’re anything like most men you’ll be living in a mild state of regret due to the one that got away; that special person where the connection was so natural and secure you felt completely aligned, unconditionally loved, and for a fleeting moment, blissfully happy.
The challenge, however, when we reach that state of connection and happiness is that rather than appreciate what we have - we tend to get curious about what we could be missing out on, and in doing so, we adopt a “grass is greener on the other field” mentality that doesn’t always serve us… as we often find the grass was not greener and that person we should have cherished and valued above all else, has slipped through our fingers, never to be yours again… and perhaps, is now much happier with someone else.
That’s a tough pill to swallow.
If you can relate to this experience then you’ll know it can really knock you about and in some way, when dealing with such loss and regret, our hearts close a little… rather than allowing ourselves to be vulnerable and show who we are on the inside, we build a protective shield around ourselves to impress and cajole people into loving us - when, in fact, what we really need to do is learn to be more attractive on the inside and attract people on the basis of who we really are, deep down, rather than what we appear to be.
See, you can get custom suits that will make you look great and feel fantastic, but if all you’re doing is polishing a mask that attracts people, without working on yourself from the inside out, you’re going to have transient relationships that never get to the level you truly crave.
Women, real women, that are authentically interested in having a relationship with you rather than messing you around care much more about what’s on the inside rather than your fancy clothes, car, or gym fit abs.
If you’re looking to be more attractive to a woman then you should follow these three guidelines:
- LAUGH MORE
The benefits of smiling and laughter are huge. They include greater immunity, hormone regulation, and even a longer life. Try smiling. Even if you don’t feel like smiling - just changing your physiology triggers certain neurotransmitters to fire in the brain, that indicates to your brain, that you must be happy — the brain therefore goes into that state of happiness. You can essentially trick your brain into thinking you are happy even when you’re not.
Laughter is contagious. It can not only lead to you feeling better but it causes a chain-reaction in that it infects those around you. Have you ever started to laugh, for no reason, just because someone else is laughing so hard — ever heard the phrase “he’s got a contagious laugh” — how do you feel around people that are smiling and laughing all the time? You naturally want to be around them, right, which is a definition of attractiveness.
- HAVE A POSITIVE IMPACT
Leave people, places and things better than you find them. Have a positive impact on everyone you come into contact with; whether that’s through something as simple and implicit as a well intentioned smile or an explicit compliment to brighten their day. Interact with people in an uplifting way that brings joy into their life.
- FOCUS ON GIVING RATHER THAN RECEIVING
Feeling attractive on the inside has a lot to do with how you treat others as well as how you treat yourself. Be kind to people. Be generous. Focus on creating value for others and see your relationships as a place to “give” rather than “get”. Whether this is as simple as giving someone a little encouragement, holding a door open, giving up your seat, offering a compliment or donating to someone in need.
There is a saying by Tony Robbins, that the “secret to living is giving” and the most fulfilled people are those that give the most; whether this is on a financial level, an emotional level, or a practical level. There is an important principle to remember though, in terms of giving, which is that you must first give to yourself - even on an airplane you are advised to tend to your own oxygen mask first. The aim is to be so “full” yourself that you are brimming over with abundance to help others.
In summary, whilst our external appearance does matter; you don’t want to spend your time polishing a superficial mask when you could be working on yourself to become more attractive on the inside; which is what women care about the most.