Question from a reader:
Hey J.D. –
I read that an alpha should only smile if something merits it - but you mentioned in an article when visiting a club, the alpha male should have a big beaming smile when he enters the room. I thought being smiley all the time was a beta trait, so they seem non-threatening.
Please clarify - the old me used to smile at people all the time like Howdy Doody - and it just made me look and feel like a fake douche beta. Also, an alpha shouldn’t be “checking out” chicks all the time, so eye contact is rare, wouldn’t you say? - if we aren’t looking at every girl that walks by, we aren’t making a lot of eye contact by default.
Like let’s say a guy walks past a 10 babe at a health club, and doesn’t even check her out or acknowledge her existence at first, isn’t that better than doing the typical smile and eye contact behavior?
I always would smile and give strong eye contact as as a beta, but it seemed that this behavior just assured the chick she was hot, almost like a verbal compliment on her looks.
Good questions. It shows you are paying attention.
But let’s not make this harder than it is. There are a million reasons for a man to smile. When it comes to women, I generally advocate to my students - especially those who have trouble meeting women or are just starting out - to smile. A lot.
You have to realize that most men who are nervous or scared of approaching women generally don’t smile. In fact, they give off an insecure, nervous or needy vibe. A woman will immediately take her cues from you - the approacher - as to how the interaction is going to go. Think about this - if a guy runs up to you on the street, all nervous or shouting or anything out of the ordinary….you will react to that appropriately. You, too, will be nervous - you will definitely have your guard up.
When a man approaches a woman, if he is calm, confident and smiling - then she will get the impression that this interaction is going to go well. If you are cool, she will be cool too. If you also think about how most people react when they make eye contact with someone, this, too is an area where men need help.
You’re walking down the street, you make eye contact with someone and …. one or both of you immediately look away. It’s almost relflexive.
I train guys to go out and start making eye contact with everyone - and smiling - so that their reflexive action becomes holding eye contact and looking confident rather than looking away quickly and giving off the impression they just got “caught” doing something they shouldn’t. In the heat of battle - when you are looking across the room at “her” and she makes eye contact with you, you will want to be able to demonstrate confidence. And smile. If she smiles back, it’s time to approach.
If, on the other hand, you quickly look away - you demonstrate weakness. And you may as well not approach.
Now, part of what you said in your question was, “an alpha should smile only if something merits it.” True that. But think about this - if you are indeed Alpha, your life is great - your life is cool. Your life merits smiling. But in the in sense that you are asking here, what the statement “an alpha should smile only if something merits it” refers to is in group settings or interaction with other people. You don’t laugh or smile like a sycophant because you are uncomfortable, or to gain approval.
That is, if it’s funny, you laugh. If it makes you feel like smiling, you smile. That is your motive - not gaining approval or making others comfortable. As to the last part of your question, smiling at the girls who walk by, etc. - I contend it is very important to look at her and smile. It’s even okay to check her out - in the right way.
This is showing interest.
There is nothing wrong with training yourself to not go crazy when a hot woman walks by. I always say, “Think: Clint Eastwood, in those old spaghetti westerns. There’s a loud bang - and he doesn’t jump up and look all nervous. He calmly, slowly turns his head to investigate.
An alpha is not afraid to let a woman know he is interested in her - sexually or otherwise.
There is a great technique for checking out a woman in the right way in my audio training programs. (The Attraction Attitude).
See all of my audio training. The key here is not completely ignoring women - that won’t get you very far - but showing the right amount of attention and interest in an alpha way. You have to be able to act like you’ve seen a hot woman before. You have to be cool about it - as if hot women are a common occurance in your life, and you are showing some interest in yet another one. To wrap this up - you are correct about the musings you had of the “old you” who used to smile and laugh and what not all the time because you were nervous and approval-seeking. I can see where you may confuse beta behaviors with alpha behaviors, too.
There is a very fine line between the two. In fact, the difference between an alpha and a beta isn’t very much at all - it only takes a little bit to stand out above the crowd. Being alpha is in the little details of your life, lifestyle, and how you handle your women. All of the devastatingly simple yet powerful techniques are explained in full in my Alpha Audio Programs, the newest of which was just released: Advanced Alpha Dating and Relationship Technique.
I start out by explaining how every one of us are born Alpha, but easily fall into beta patterns. And I of course give you my signature techniques and mindset for dominating women. What you learn here with this program you will take with you the rest of your life.
The term “alpha male” has come to mean many things these days. Some would have you believe it’s some kind of jerk, or meat head. A guy that has to always be aggressive and challenge everyone he meets. And the truth is - that’s a classic definition of a “beta male” - and a true sign of insecurity.
Two things are for sure:
- An alpha male doesn’t need to be an aggressive meat head. He already knows he’s the shit without having to prove himself.
- Women instinctively love a man who displays the Alpha behavior and characteristics. Take it to the bank.
My best-seller, The Alpha Life Volume One, explains the differences between beta and alpha - simply knowing what not to do is a great starting point for most guys. They don’t even realize they are showing beta weakness all the time, every day.
After just one listen, my students write to me and tell me the huge difference this makes in their lives - and how they go out now and notice all the Beta behaviors all the other guys are demonstrating. All the little details - like your car, crib, gear, attitude, are explained in full in The Alpha Life Volume Two.
Alpha is indeed in the details. I can tell you pay attention to the things you read and learn, Derrick. I think it may be time for you to get in-depth with my audio programs so that all the confusion over what is and isn’t alpha is explained clearly and concisely for you.
Thanks for writing, hope this helps.
Live the lifestyle,