Letter from a Reader - The Push Pull Technique

I was surfing the internet and I saw something about using something called push/pull techniques with women, but the folks talking about it didn’t explain what it is or really how to use it. In your next post can you explain to us what this is and how to use it?

JD’s Answer:

Okay guys - This is a good question and a very involved one One of the most effective ways I’ve found for generating massive amounts of attraction in women, emotionally compelling them to want and reach and chase for more of you, is the push/pull. And women love this shit.

The best part of using push/pull is that it will amp up a woman’s attraction for you - regardless of your looks, social status, or bank account. Push/pull is based on the principle of what is called a tension loop. A tension loop creates unresolved emotional tension inside a woman, increases it, releases it by bringing closure to it, and then sparks it all over again.

This will keep her feeling the emotion of wanting more of you. Chick-novel writers use this principle. And soap opera writers use tension loops to keep women enraptured in their fictitious dramas for months - sometimes years.

The structure is always the same. The show starts off with some form of conflict or drama, sparking unresolved emotional tension. Emotional tension increases up until the point of the climax. The tension is released by bringing some resolution to the conflict or drama. And, finally, the show ends by sparking the tension all over again with some sort of cliffhanger…compelling women to tune in for next week’s show. And basically, this is what you’ll be doing with her.

Push/pull is whenever you emotionally push a woman away from you…and then emotionally pull her back in. Each push creates an emotional space for each pull. Most women find this funny, charming, and playful. More importantly, it generates attraction: the emotion of wanting more of you (and probably solve some embarrassing problem).
This is a kick ass technique, to be sure. Alpha males do this stuff instinctively. Learn all about being alpha with my Alpha Life Series of Audio Programs. Master push/pull and you’ll leave women no choice but to feel attraction toward you.

Now, let me first say that techniques, in and of themselves, can be very useful in learning how to deal with women. But let me warn you to never simply rely on any one technique all the time.

I recommend that you be like me - no matter how much you know or think you know, always be learning and doing more. Never graduate from the game.

The push/pull technique is a monster. It is very useful in:

  • The pick up
  • Creating attraction
  • Sex
  • Relationships

In a nutshell, push/pull is a tease and chase technique that should leave her wanting more. When done properly, you should be able to stand out from beta guys who cater to her, and create attraction, interest and suspense with her.

The basic beta guys cater too much to the needs of women. By consistently paying attention and doing too much for women, these guys provide women no challenge and no “chase.” And, regardless of what they say, women really do like a challenge - even when they deny it. Trust me on this. Being too much of an asshole will not get you where you want to be with women, and of course being too nice will not get you where you want to be with women. The good news is that there is a way to be nice to women and simultaneously build necessary attraction.
Push/pull is a great way to be an interesting, fun person but without being too nice. The basic idea is to “pull” her in….and “push” her away.

This means literally and figuratively - physically and emotionally. By doing something nice - say a compliment - you are pulling her in. You would then follow that up with a slight negative dig - thus pushing her away. The reason this is so effective is because you creating the “carrot and the stick” scenario. She never really is 100 percent sure if you are interested in her.

Think about it: Beta guy will display nothing but interest. She knows he wants her. And if you don’t know it by now - women find this very boring. Very unattractive. For tons more on why they think this way, get ahold of and listen to my audios - specifically “A Man’s Guide to Understanding Women” and “The Attraction Attitude.”

The beta guy is predictable. He never follows up supplicating or “nice” behavior with a “push” or mixed signal. It’s all straight signals. The push/pull allows you to send her signs of interest and disinterest. Which is much more interesting to her and challenging to her. In short, it’s unpredictable. When she doesn’t know where the next “hit” is coming from, she’s off balance, and interested.

In all areas of your life with women - not just the pick up - but sex, relationships, phone calls…. you name it: you need to be unpredictable. That is the essence of push/pull. A quick example: You send her a flirty text. She thinks, “Here we go - I know where this is going!” And she writes back, waiting to hear from you and tease the shit out of you.

But…all of a sudden, she doesn’t hear from you. For like two days. What the hell? She wouldn’t have predicted that. Or when she’s over at your house. She thinks, “I know where this is going! He’s going to put the moves on me and try to get me naked.” But then, you are super smooth and cool. And act like you don’t care if you sleep with her or not. In fact, you make out with her for a bit, then suddenly say, “Hey, it’s late. You’d better go.” Totally unpredictable.

And this is what women consider a challenge. Most guys in that last situation are going to not just hold her on the couch - but hold on for dear life. Pawing and groping and begging her to stay. Nobody has ever asked her to leave before feeling her up! That’s the push/pull. Move forward… back off. Hot… then cold. Close… then distant.

To reap the most benefits from the technique, start using the moment you meet a woman.

For instance, apply the technique during your first conversation with her when you introduce yourself. Try giving her a compliment and then say something that slightly insulting. Now, there is a fine balance between complimenting and insulting so use that example cautiously. What you need to remember with the push-pull technique is that smiling throughout tells her that you are joking. You will be very successful if you can subconsciously push her away by consistently teasing her while also pulling her in with compliments.

The key to this technique is that she continually wants your attention during those times when you “push her away.” With a little practice, you will eventually master the push-pull technique and become a natural.

Don’t Ever Be Afraid to Challenge a Woman - On Anything

If you are chatting her up and she mentions her favorite band and you think they suck, don’t agree with her about how awesome that lame band is. Tell her they suck. So many men hear me say things like this and think, “Holy shit! She’ll think I’m a dick. If I don’t like what she likes, she won’t think we have anything in common!”

And you have to just throw that line of thinking out the window. Believe me - nobody calls her on her shit, gives her a negative compliment, challenges her, etc. … and you will stand out as a man among men if you do. She’s not leaving cuz you hate U2.

Remember - The principle of push and pull technique is to control her emotions.  Be nice with her - pull- then right after it demonstrate indifference - push.

Establish a physical contact, touch her, show your interest, then move away a bit, and be stand off-ish. The most important thing is to find the balance between showing her you don’t care and you like her. This makes you extremely attractive to her. Women like to be persuaded. Like with sex, or to go somewhere… or whatever. Basically, if you suggest something the woman not say, “yes” immediately - even if she wants to. She is gonna wait until you try to persuade her. So don’t. Be unpredictable. Just say “no problem” and don’t insist. You don’t care. This will have her understanding not to play games with you.

Here’s a “negative compliment” example for you. When she’s fishing for a compliment - by saying something negative about herself and expecting you say “no, you’re absolutely not fat, you’re so slim and beautiful” - don’t take the bait.

Say something like “No problem, I like curvaceous women”. Hey, you’re just agreeing with her. But be careful with negative statements, always mix “good” and “bad” messages. But as long as you smile, you will be fine.

Seduction is a perfect balance of push/pull. So show your interest in her, but not all the time. Behave sometimes as if you don’t care. Don’t be like other men by giving her what she’s expecting from you. Don’t be afraid to disagree, be playful and tease her. All this adds up to you being a challenge - something she’s interested in.

Hey- write to me. jd@modernmalelifestyle.com  and see All of my audio training.

Live the lifestyle.