|Late nights at the office and switched off cell phones may get your conscience stirring. But how do you know if your girlfriend is really cheating on you? Well, there is a lot that goes into this whole scenario. I’ll give you a great way to find out, what you should do if she is, and how to avoid it in the first place.
First it is important to understand the difference between how women and men treat cheating. Generally, men are known to cheat for sexual pleasure only. While this is a part of why some women cheat, the reasoning is more complex. Women cheat for a variety of reasons, most of them to fill a void that she is not receiving in her relationship with you.
She’s most likely looking for someone who is a better listener, someone who enjoys the same hobby or someone who doesn’t expect sex every day. The difference in reasoning behind the infidelity means she will show different signs of cheating than a man would.
Wanna find out? Try this move.
Send her some flowers… Not exactly roses, but just flowers in general. Have them delivered to her at work or home. Make sure that your name is not put onto the card, so she doesn’t know who it’s from. Don’t purchase via a credit card; that leaves a trail. When she sees you next, if she still has the flowers and asks you if you sent them to her, she is probably faithful, but if she doesn’t say a word, then she’s cheating on you.
Sounds simple, eh? Sure beats hiring a private eye, stalking her, tapping her phone and putting a hidden GPS in her car.
Another great thing to keep in mind - how did you two meet? And this could be important. Especially if she was seeing someone else when you two hooked up. Hey, she cheated on dude to be with you - so what’s to stop her from doing it again? With very few exceptions: Once a cheater, always a cheater. That is, unless you know how to avoid that shit in the first place.
More than a few women have an uncanny habit of what I call “not letting go of one branch until they have a hold of another.” They are serial daters and cheaters - and they just move from one guy to the next. But they are rarely in that “alone” period. So, what do you do if you find out she is cheating? In a perfect world - the answer is: Who Cares?
Yeah. Sounds cold. Sounds crazy. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned - that if you care about her leaving, cheating, or anything of the sort, guess what? She will. And hey - you are human - of course you are going to feel like you care. But it’s best not to show it. More on that in a bit. Keep in mind, most of what makes a successful relationship with a woman is counter-intuitive.
And “who cares” will keep her around. It’s not mean, bad, good, ugly….it just is. And that’s why most guys can’t keep her around. They don’t get that. But - as we were saying, you find out she’s cheating.
Look - maybe you aren’t perfect either. But if you had an understanding with her, and she violated it - it’s best to end it. Now. No looking back. You absolutely positively have to stand your ground. And move on, no matter how “in love” you may feel. In fact, a jilted lover will feel all kinds of things - all of which can be misconstrued as overwhelming love and heartbreak. But what it really will turn into is obsession. (look it up - it’s a bad place to be).
Maybe you, or some guy you know, has had this condition.
You can’t eat. You can’t sleep. You feel this pit in your gut 24 hours a day. You just know she’s with him. You are driving by his place, her place, her work… This will fucking kill you. Sure as shit. You don’t want to be that guy. You can’t be that guy. It is best to cut your losses and get over it - and move on. No looking back. The “pain” is much, much less if you do. And you’ll find a newfound respect for yourself.
Yeah, it may seem hard - but the other path is the path to destruction. When you sack up, do what’s right and move on - one day soon you will look back and wonder what all the fuss was about. Trust a brother on this.
Think about this - if a friend came to you with this problem, that his girlfriend or wife was cheating, what advice would you give him? And are you yourself willing to follow that advice? You know what’s best for him, and ultimately, you too - but almost no one is able to Alpha-up and take the necessary action.
Cheating to get back at her is nowhere. Confrontations, fights, rules, second chances. It’s all bad.
Objectively - do you really want to be with someone like that anyway? Once it happens - even if you “make up” and everything is “fine” - you will constantly have it in the back of your mind. Now - if you are the type that constantly worries about this anyway - whether it’s in your head or real - this is a bad thing too. The main thing this will show her is your insecurity - and insecurity is not sexy. It’s not attractive.
She will be ablel to tell - by all the subtle moves, comments, your demeanor - everything. And boom, she will walk. Take it to the bank, the more you worry about her cheating or leaving, the quicker she will do it.
Now, you may be thinking that you are human - and you can’t control how you feel. And that’s true. Feelings are what they are - we all have them, and if anything, repressing them is not good for your health, mental or otherwise. But here’s an alpha characteristic for you. Alphas, while they do experience the same feelings all humans do, don’t let them rule their world. No, they can’t control how they feel - but they can control how they react to them.
Yeah - it’s a big difference.
Here’s a great example - the example of bravery. Are brave men immune to fear? The answer, Hell no. Remember - betas, alphas and all men are just that: men. We all experience fear. The big difference between a brave man and the rest of the herd is that he experiences fear, yet press onward into battle anyway.
You see what I’m talking about? You can’t control that you feel afraid - but you can control if you let it paralyze you into cowardice and inaction.
On a much simpler, less life-threatening level, it’s the same when it comes to approaching women. All men - alphas included - experience some axienty and trepidation when it comes to approaching women - but the true Alpha doesn’t let it rule his life and his actions. He approaches anyway.
Now - how does this all play into a cheating partner? Well - first of all, like we said, insecure men don’t get and keep women.
So if you feel insecurity, then start showing it by acting jealous, setting up relationship rules, continually following her or checking up on her, any number of obsessive things, you are letting it control you.
And like we said, she will walk for someone more “secure” or less jealous. Being able to control you is the main ingredient in being able to control your women. And if she’s cheating on you or you suspect she is - it’s not entirely her fault. It means she’s out of control - out of your control. Because if you had your way, would she be running around behind your back? The answer is, of course, hell no.
So if she’s doing that, it’s because something is missing in your current relationship - and she’s looking for it elsewhere.
And to tell the truth - it shows a blatant lack of respect for you as a man. She feels like she can get away with it and damn the consequences. And know this - once she’s “cheating” - it’s over anyway. So get out. Fast. It will be the first giant step into the rhealm of being an alpha male. You don’t put up with that shit. You can’t. If you do - she’ll walk all over you and rip your heart out.
And hey - we’re all adults here. What else is she bringing back to your place and your relationship? Seriously - if she is sleeping around, do you want to put yourself at risk? STDs will be around a long time after she’s gone, that’s for sure. So at a minimum - this should be paramount in your mind. Is she worth it? Well….is she? No. She’s not. And if she lied about one thing, she’ll lie about another.
To keep her from even considering this type of behavior in the first place - you have to be in control. First and foremost of yourself. Why? Because two things: one, she is looking for a man who can control her. Believe me. And, if you show that you can control yourself and she can’t control you - she will understand you are in charge and is the kind of man she is looking for.
So to keep her from wanting to stray in the first place, you have to show that her leaving is no big deal. The less you “care” if she stays, the more she’ll want to stay. I know, it sounds mean, even a little crazy - but I think you know it’s true.
Because it doesn’t matter to her how you feel about her - what matters is how she feels about you. That’s right - you can be madly in love with her, worship her, and would do anything for her - but if she doesn’t feel “it” for you, those feelings you have don’t matter.
In any relationship, you have to take control from the get-go. From the word hello. To learn exactly how to do this, you have to get ahold of my audio sets: Total Control, and The Alpha Life Volume One and Two. Or better yet, get to our bootcamp this summer. We’ll teach you exactly how stay in control of your relationships.
Here’s a common situation that I’m sure you’ve found yourself in, and the right way to deal with it. Just as an example. You are out with her, and some guy she knows - or even some random guy - starts talking to her, one-on-one. What do you do? How do you feel?
It took me a long time to learn this, but no matter what you’re feeling, I’ve had great success with the following.
Instead of standing there feeling like an idiot, or trying to “out-Alpha” this guy, or worse, getting beligerent - I just tell them, “Wow - you guys would make a great couple….I’m just saying…hey, I’ll catch up with ya in a bit.” And then I walk away. And go start talking to someone else. Not angry, not pissed, not showing jealousy - just move away. It’s light years ahead of showing insecurity.
Because here’s the long and the short of it - if she’s gonna leave you for someone else, she’s got it planned out. And she’s going. If she’s not, then she’ll stay. And what I mean by this is the only card you have to play when she talks about walking is, “There’s the door.”
If she is already made up her mind she’s out, then it’s a relief to both of you. If she’s playing some card or game to get you to beg her to stay, you show her she can’t manipulate you. In either scenario - and it’s one of the two - you hold on to your dignity. And your control. If she’s going, and you beg her to stay, there’s no control there. And if she’s testing you, you are showing your security in yourself - that you will be fine. And she won’t go anywhere. And it always has to be like that.
No jealousy over lunch with guys. No checking her phone. No following her around. This will drive her away quicker than shit. And whether you think it’s right or not - not being emotional, needy and obsessed will keep her around.
So if anything - give her total freedom. She’ll be happier, and so will you. If you set up rules and regulations, she’s sure to break them. So don’t bother.
By being secure - by being alpha - you will be the type of guy she’s looking for and will never leave. Just make sure she’s the type of girl you are looking for. Never settle.
Til next time