Lots of men have been in that situation where they got dumped. They thought everything was going fine, and then boom – she walks. Sometimes you can even feel it coming. You know something’s not right. All of a sudden you just “feel” her slipping away. You suspect she’s with someone else, she’s not as available as she used to be, she never says “I love you” like she used to…all kinds of little signs that add up and clearly pain the picture.

And even then, a lot of men just refuse to believe it’s true. They hold out hope, and start to amp up their affection, attention, “love” and everything for her in hopes of turning it all around so it could be “like it used to be”.

And the worst part is – once a man starts doing this, she seems to get further and further away from him. She starts telling him to slow down, back off, see other people…etc. And when she’s finally “gone” – that is, physically out the door and has given the “just friends” speech to him – then, he starts to really obsess.

Most men go through a period of denial, and then are even willing to put up with all kinds of outrageous behavior from her just to have a chance to be with her. She’s dating someone else – and he’s willing to let it happen and still hold out hope.

Then, sometimes, these guys call me. And they ask me a really common question: “How do I get my ex back?”

Most of what I do is speak with men on the phone, sometimes in person or online, and I overwhelmingly hear from men who want to know the answer to that question. And there is an answer. And it can be done.

But unfortunately, the “guru” community has trained men to think that there is a magic answer to all of our relationship questions. There seems to be this perception that a man can get the secret thing to say, and he can get any woman to go out with him. Or get any woman to have sex with him in the bathroom at a restaurant. Or, yes, even get his ex back – just by saying or doing this one simple thing.

And you and I both know – at least you should know – there is no magic line or move that simply makes every woman your love slave. It’s like the millions of “baldness” cures, for example – if there was a magic pill that re-grew hair, there wouldn’t be any bald guys. No, like most things worth having and worth doing – it takes a lot more than that. If this stuff was magic, most men wouldn’t have the amount of relationship problems they have these days.

So, anyway, they call me and they want to know how to get their ex back. And they are thinking that I’ll talk to them for 5 or 6 minutes and give them my 3 best lines and their problem will be solved.

So the first thing I have to do is try and change these guy’s mindset. And set their expectations.

Because if she is gone, she isn’t coming back in 2 days. She may not come back at all. And because I don’t bullshit my clients, I never pull any punches. Most people they talk to are going to try and make them feel better with false hope – telling him it’s gonna be okay, you’ll get her back…etc. But they offer no plan. Just band aids to try and talk him off the cliff.

And once I’m able to get these guys into reality – I tell them I can get their ex back for them, but they probably aren’t going to like it. Why?

Well, like I said, they are looking for a quick fix – and what I have to tell them is going to take some time. A lot more time than they initially want to spend. They are hurt, and lonely, and they want those feelings to go away – Now.

And while I make my living consulting men in this way every day, I’m going to share the basics of this whole “get your ex back” scenario with you, my email readers.

The crux of the problem is that when a woman leaves you, she doesn’t feel attracted to you. Simple enough, right? But keep this in mind as we proceed here – she doesn’t like the man you are. Right now. So she leaves. And some of these guys get it in their head that if they wait long enough and just stay away from her, one day she’ll miss him and come back. And while staying the hell away from her is a very important part of “getting her back” – it’s not the only part. Because if she doesn’t like who you are, and 6 months later you are the same guy, she still doesn’t like who you are. She wasn’t attracted enough to that guy to stay with him, so she’s not going to suddenly be attracted enough to that same guy to get back with him.

You follow me? There has to be some changes. And this is where the work comes in. There are two elements involved here, time and work. And when they call me looking for quick fixes, and I tell them “time and work” they get even more depressed. But – the ones who are really desperate, the ones who really are at the end of their rope and are willing to try anything – those are the guys who really thrive and experience success beyond their wildest dreams.

I know in my own experience I needed to be brought literally to my knees before I was at “rock bottom” and willing to try something new. Anything – because what I was doing wasn’t working.

I wasn’t getting the kind of women I wanted, and the ones I was able to get would always leave. I couldn’t take it anymore. And when you are in that desperate state, and willing to admit that the problem in every interaction with a woman is you and nothing else – well, then you are ready to learn.

And in my case, I learned the hard way. Lots of experience and lots of mistakes. But in the end I became a expert on exactly what does, and doesn’t, work with women. And you don’t have to spend the kind of time and failures I did to progress and succeed. I’m here to teach you. It can go a lot faster for you.

But here’s the rest of the story as far as getting your ex back. Most guys obsess and do all kinds of stupid things. Like send her tons of flowers, email her all the time with long, boring “feelings” letters, drive by her house, show up everywhere she goes, on and on…and they never get down to business. All that stuff does is take her from that “let’s just be friends” state to “pissed off” and calling the police for a restraining order.

That’s a really shitty place to be, when you can’t “get over it”.

But – if you really want her back, you have to start by cutting her off completely. You can’t return any contact from her (if you even get any) and you absolutely must not contact her for any reason. Not to get your cds back, not to say hi and see how she’s doing, not to have “a talk”.

Nothing. Nada. Zippo.

When a woman gets to the point that she breaks up – she’s really done with you. And women will drag it out sometimes – putting you through that period we talked about where you feel something is wrong and you feel her slipping away. And you know why they do that? I’ll tell you. It’s two things.

  1. She’s being polite, and trying to let you down easy. She doesn’t want to hurt you. And it turns out to be the equivalent of picking the band-aid off and prolonging the agony.
  2. She is actually hoping that you will turn it around. There was something she was attracted to when she got with you in the first place – some semblance of manhood she could sink her teeth into. And along the way, the more you got to know each other, the more she started to see that her initial impression was wrong.

But she’s hoping you’re just in a lull and will “bring it back” hard and strong. So they kinda hang around and see what will happen. And you know what happens – it’s like I said earlier: the guy gets even more wussified, starts pouting, acting like a woman, and asking her for reassurance. And then she runs away even faster.

Lets face the facts: women are instinctively attracted to a certain kind of man. And they don’t know why or why not they are attracted to him – they just feel it. It’s natural and easy. And the same is true when they aren’t attracted to a man – they just feel that, too.

So, on to the part that most men don’t want to hear.

If a woman is attracted to a certain kind of man (hint: it’s the alpha man), and you aren’t that guy – then she walks.

Stay with me here – because this whole thing gets pretty amazing. So I tell these guys who want her back that they have to stay away from her. She isn’t attracted to them the more she got to know them, and she wants to be left alone. And the more he begs, pesters and obsesses, the more he’s going to cement his position in her eternity as an unattractive wuss.

So, step one is break off all contact. Hard and fast, and no exceptions. This relationship – now that it’s over – has to be put in the past, fast. The more you hang around and beg, the longer this “relationship” goes on, and the book isn’t closed.

And when the book is finally closed – you don’t want the most recent memories of this relationship to be lots of heartache, pain, pestering, stalking, and general wussy behavior. At a minimum – muster what dignity you have and call it quits. If you have any chance with her in the future – this must be done. And it will actually leave a good taste in her mouth when she thinks, “hey, at least he wasn’t a wuss about it. Maybe I was wrong about him?” But if you are that guy who can’t leave it alone, she’s going to think, “Man, I was totally right about him. Wuss.”

Here is part two of this whole scenario.

We know she left because she didn’t like the guy you are. If she did, she would’ve stayed. So, staying away from her isn’t going to help you if you run into her at some point in the future and you are still “that guy”. Right?

Yeah, it’s right. So during this time away, its time to work on yourself. To become the man that she – and all women – are looking for and are instinctively attracted to. And possibly the best thing you can do – for yourself and for your goal – is to start dating other women immediately. Today. The second she breaks up with you. This is essential for your recovery, and it is essential in showing your ex that she may have been totally wrong about you. And believe me – she will find out and hear about you dating around, and it will awaken her competitive and jealous nature.

And you’re not doing this to get “back at her” you’re doing it to get her back, understand? So if that is your goal, you must do it.

Because here’s your shot, Romeo – it has to go like this:

  • If it’s over – accept it and make a clean break of it.
  • All contact with her must be eliminated. This relationship has to “end”.
  • Date or at least approach other women as much as possible as fast as you can.
  • You “meet” her again – sometime in the future. At least 6 months.
  • You are a different guy, and this is a different relationship. She is meeting you for the “first time”.
  • She is attracted to the man you are Now.

This is how men get their ex girlfriends back. You meet again for the first time – and this time it IS different. But it can’t happen if you don’t kill the first relationship – and the guy you were that drove her away. And I said this gets pretty amazing – and here’s what I’m talking about. When the guys come to me with this “problem” I pretty soon am able to convince them that her leaving isn’t the problem – but that they are the problem. That we have work to do.

The kind of work that most men never get the chance to do because they don’t even know it exists or where to start.

And here’s the amazing part – when men start to make the transformation to Alpha Man, and start working on themselves, they start to look back on this ex girlfriend and think, “Hmm. What was I so upset about?”

Most of them quickly get to the point where they don’t even want her back. And that’s before we’re only halfway through our training!

And with some, the “plan” works out fine – they do meet her again in the future, and they are a different man, and she IS attracted to them, and the guy thinks, “Ha. I can take it or leave it.”

Because now these guys respect themselves, and they have options. And they realize she isn’t the only woman in the world – and they were able to put that old relationship to bed and move on.

And so many men are just unable to move on. At best, they get into another relationship and take the woman hostage, and it ends the same way. Again and again. And if you have multiple failed relationships – the common denominator in every one of them is you.

The best part – for me – is seeing these guys change. Its all pretty quickly too – most guys it’s 5 or 6 sessions over several months. One on one on the phone with me. And when I have a guy who is willing to learn, and do as close to exactly as I tell him as he is capable of – we have great success. Time after time. I love how it plays out. They come to me – with a problem. They want their ex back. And they want a quick solution. Once I tell them it’s not quick, but if they are willing to do the work – they can have any woman they want, some of them bail and some of them are willing. And even the ones that are willing think “any woman they want” is the ex – but what they find out is that any woman they want is literally that.

And in the end, they inevitably don’t get back together with her – but everyone of them could if they wanted to. They just don’t want to. And that’s pretty amazing, if you ask me. And I’m glad to be a part of it. Because I know what it’s like to be the guy imprisoned by obsession – and I also know what it’s like to be calm, cool, confident and let nothing stand in my way. And it’s not only something I know – it’s something I teach. Lots of men. Everyday. All the time.

Man, I love my job.

Til next time.

Live the Lifestyle,
JD