Some recent letters and emails from my readers:
The Alpha Life Volume 1 is f*cking sweet. I just finished it. It is no nonsense common sense stuff, maybe to some lol , but usually you are not exposed to it all at once in one neat package. Brilliant…. Hey, send me the Alpha Life Volume 2. Thanks…
Thanks a lot – The Alpha Life Series really is a master program. Everything you need to make that transformation. Too many men live a life of quiet desperation – unhappy with their love life, dating life or the woman they are with and they just settle.
As a man, you should never have to settle – for anything. You only go around once and I’m glad you are finding the material useful – you will love Volume Two. It picks up where the first one left off – and it’s packed with lots of the details you need to live the Alpha Lifestyle.
Thanks again for your support,
Picking Up Women on Public Transportation
Hi JD, there’s a question about women I’d like to ask you about:
I’m a student and I travel on the train quite often. Almost on a daily basis, I see really cute girls sitting on the train by themselves, or sitting on the bus just across from me. I’m wondering, how should I approach these women? I want to talk to her directly but I think the people around will make her feel more self conscious. Should I move to sit next to her? What are your thoughts on this?
Ah – great question. I’m gald you asked it.
I wonder – first of all – how many women have you struck out with on the train? If the answer is “none” that either means you’ve hooked up with every one of them, or haven’t approach any of them.
And that second part is way too typical of a lot of guys in a lot of situations. At the library, in a coffee shop, in line at the bank, on the subway….
Approach situations occur everyday. And everywhere. Not just at the club or the bar on Saturday night. In fact, almost anywhere but a club or bar is a great place to meet women. And public transit is a great place to meet lots of new women.
It’s a great place for you to meet lots of women. Because it’s your “home turf”. That is, it’s a place you are almost every day. You know the flow, the timing, how long you are going to be there – and you have the built-in advantages of lots of turnover (lots of new, different women getting on and off everyday) and lots of repeat business (the chance to see the same woman or women everyday).
In short – it’s like a rolling coffee shop.
And these non-bar and non-club situations can be a boom or bust. It’s all up to you. You see, lots of guys who just hit on girls at bars tend to treat the “everyday” women they could potentially meet as somehow off-limits. And it’s not an approach situation for them – just a “watch the girls go by” situation.
And this is the first thing you have to learn: that approach situations and pick-up situations occur every day – everywhere. Every time you leave the house is an opportunity to meet new women. You must look at it that way. So you are prepared.
What happens is most guys leave the house without paying much attention to their look or thinking about meeting women – and then boom – there SHE is. And they are totally off-guard and unprepared.
So you have to start thinking differently – even considering the public transit as your personal pick up place.
Everybody that is successful with women has a few things in common – and one of the big ones is that successful men see opportunity and chances everywhere all the time. And some guys even have that one place or setting where they rule and do really well.
Me, my home court is my local coffee shops. I’ve done it so many times there I’m really at home and comfortable. I know what works, how to work it and it just comes naturally at this point. But it wasn’t always that way. At some point in time – I had never met a woman in a coffee shop. And I had to make that first approach. Take that first step. Of course, after some time I got good. Then I got really good. Then I started moving my game to all kinds of locations. Then I started teaching other men.
So – if you asked me, “What works good in a coffee shop”? I could go on for hours. And if I asked you, “What works good on public transit”? You should be able to go on for hours – but, as of now, you are asking me.
And I have some good news for you. I know lots of stuff that works good in that situation.
Now – first of all, something that works good in any situation is to just go talk her. I’ve said this before – it’s best to take the right action, it’s second-best to take some action, and it’s the worst to take no action.
And as you may have guessed – my approaching career started with no action, then some action, and eventually made it to the right action.
The first thing that you should do is get the balls together to talk to somebody. Anybody. Just learn how to start a conversation in that situation. See how it goes, how it flows, what there is to talk about. This will come in handy when you are sitting there next to some hottie trying to keep the banter going.
Now – if you can go and sit next to some dude, or some old lady, and start and have a nice chit-chat, you can do it with a random hottie, too.
In fact – that’s the way you want to do it with a chick on the bus, or train, or whatever. Acting like it’s just a nice, easy, chit-chat with some random stranger. Practicing with people you are not interested in sleeping with is a great way to practice. Because, let’s look at the situation. You are a stranger to her. In a big city. Your time together is limited on the transit, and you are most likely going to different destinations. You may or may not see her again.
So – the best course of action would include something that takes all of that into account.
You are a stranger. Okay. So, this is where your comfy chit-chat skills come in handy. Remember, you are a stranger to helpless old ladies, and to fat chicks, and to random dudes, too. If you can sit, say hi and talk with them, you can do it with her. You must put her at ease.
Now – not every situation is going to call for you having a built-in excuse to sit with her. I mean, what are the odds you get on, and every seat is taken except the one next to her? So if you are going to sit next to her, you need to do it right. I mean, why don’t guys go sit right next to her when other seats are available? Well, because they are nervous and it shows that they are probably hitting on her or interested in her.
And I say, so what? When you do go sit next to her it shows, yes, you are interested in something – and if you know anything about women, it’s that they love a man who takes charge. They love a man who goes for what he wants. And most of them are really starving for some kind of connection or someone to approach them – because most men are so “out of approach mode” all the time. Or scared, or shy, or whatever.
Trust me – I talk to hundreds of women, and the ones that are available always tell me that they wish some guy would actually come and hit on them in the grocery store, on the bus, whatever.
Not every woman is available or open, but you’d be surprised how many will welcome your properly played advances.
So go for it. Go sit next to her. Especially if you get on and you make eye contact with her. Smile. If she smiles back – go right over and say, “Hi – may I?” as you are sitting down.
Now – showing some social grace and awareness is good thing at this point. Remember – your time is limited together, and it is kind of random, this meeting. So break the ice with a statement that let’s her know you aren’t going to follow her back to her apartment.
“I ride this thing to school all the time and just felt like talking to somebody. Most people are so uptight around here, but you look really friendly. What do you think of the people in this town?”
Or something along those lines that gives a reason – any reason – for sitting there when the rest of the cabin is pretty available. Tell her she looks friendly (this will help her be friendly) and ask some sort of option question that will elicit a response. If you tell her where you are going, it’s okay to ask, “where you headed today?”
Now – we know your time together is limited – and you have no idea when she is going to get off the train and at what stop – so you have to keep this in mind. You can only ask her where she’s going if you first say exactly where you are going. You have to let her know you aren’t trying to follow her around the city. By telling her you are headed to the university, or wherever, it will help put her at ease and seem like a natural thing to ask her where she’s headed today. Just small talk. Here’s where your home turf comes in handy.
If you know when her stop is coming up – before or after yours – you can transition into getting her contact info before one of you stands up and says, “Well, see ya….” And you are kinda hanging there wondering if she will ever ride again or in that weird spot of asking out loud for a number in front of everyone while she’s hopping off the train.
Remember – show some social awareness. This meeting is random. It’s chance. If you get a smile, and a bit of chit chat, she’s interested. She’s at least friendly – and you will get good at judging who’s available. Personally, I just ask. But you’ll find out when you go for the number.
And in this limited encounter situation you should use something like this: “Okay, this is gonna seem kinda random, but I like to take chances. If you give me your number I promise to call you and set up a coffee date.”
Hey – it is kinda random. So what?
Here’s the thing – you can’t be hoping that she will ride the train again, at the same time, and have a seat open, and…everything. In any situation when you see a women you want to meet – you have to go meet her. It’s no guarantee that you will “get the girl” but I do guarantee you won’t get the girl 100 percent of the time if you do NOTHING.
Most men don’t approach because they don’t know what to say. And if they do get the nerve to approach, the conversation quickly fizzles. To overcome this little problem – I’ve developed great ways to talk to women. How to start a conversation with a woman is a great skill to have – and in my audio program Complete Conversation Technique I detail over 30 great conversation starters that have built-in interest and sustainability.
I also share some specific techniques for some specific situations – like on the street, at the gym, multiple women, and more. It’s over three hours of no-nonsense instruction on how to quickly build rapport and create a “connection” with a woman. And that’s all they are looking for.
Think of it this way: if you walk up to a woman and say, “Hi – I think you’re cute and was hoping I could get your number” – there is no connection whatsoever. Nothing. And you’re going to get shot down.
But what if you casually approached, talked with her about interesting things, created a connection – and then the number came naturally? That’s the way to do it. But most guys get it wrong and go straight for the awkward phone number conversation. And one of the best things you can do – on the transit or in any situation – is just start approaching and taking some lumps. After all, yes – you may feel kinda bad if she turns you down – but remember she’s getting off the train soon, or you are, and you’ll get over it! In fact – you will feel (and may have already) much worse for not acting on the situation.
I can’t tell you how many guys mercilessly beat themselves up for not doing anything after the girl disappears and the opportunity passes. Oh, and you don’t have to walk straight on the train and hope for eye contact. You can strategically sit across from her and wait for it. Then smile. Then get up and go over. Or tell her, “sit here” or “Mind if I sit here? I get hit on on this train all the time and I need a break today. Maybe they’ll think we’re a couple”.
I use that one in the coffee shop a lot. To great success. Most of all – just do something. Then you’ll get good at doing the best thing.
Oh, and there’s the classic: Make sure your phone is off - Act like you got a call. Talk within ear shot of her - say, “Yeah…there’s a really cute girl with a (her shirt) on right next to me…..huh? ….yeah….okay…I’ll go talk to her, if you ever hang up!”