So you’ve been getting better at approaching women. You’re getting numbers – you’re setting up some dates. And even if that isn’t how you’ve been going about it – you probably find yourself in a situation a lot men find themselves from time to time: What the heck are you going to do on this date, and what are you going to talk about?

It’s a pretty common situation – whether you meet dozens of women a week, or just one in a blue moon. You figure you have to take her out – on a date. And hope it goes well.

And before I get into how to pull this off to perfection – I need to dispel this notion of the first date being so important, and, for most men, nerve wracking. In fact – I’ve discovered over the years that a “date” is one of the worst things that can happen to any man who just met a new woman and wants to take things to that next level.

Why is this the worst?

For starters – calling a meeting with a woman a “date” blows everything out of proportion right from the get-go. When you think of a traditional date, what comes to mind? Things like, calling her. Asking her “out”. Picking her up, going to and paying for dinner – maybe to a club or a movie. Then that endlessly torturous ride home wondering how to get that “kiss goodnight”. It’s a frickin’ nightmare.

The worst thing is – it’s one of the absolutely worst ways to get a woman you are interested in interested in you.

Because all these thoughts about the common layout of a date that go through your mind when you think of “date” also go through her mind. In fact, she’s been on a million of these boring dates in her young life – and she keeps hoping the next one will spark some kind of connection, or some kind of attraction. Anything other than, “How do I get out of kissing this guy goodnight?”

Here’s a little bit of inside info for you: anytime you meet a woman, for any reason, that’s a date. And as long as you don’t title this meeting with her “a date” you’re way ahead of the game. Because, even if your preconceived notions of a date are different than what we listed above – face it: a “date” has some sort of notion, expectation and preconceived notions associated with it.

And it all adds up to a lot of pressure. And not just on you. She feels the pressure, too. There is an unspoken deal going on here – and the crux of the matter is that you are expecting a little something in return for your efforts. And whether you feel like that or not – she does. She feels a bit overwhelmed when you put a lot of time, money and effort into trying to impress her.

So much so that it has the opposite effect of what you are likely going for.

While “out” with her, you are hoping to spark a connection and attraction – and she is unable to pay any attention to you because she has all these displays of generosity and effort from you that are adding up on her mind, and keeping her focus off of you – and putting it squarely on what you are “up to” and what is expected of her.

Think about this – If someone came over to your house and just mowed your lawn for you, free of charge, how does that make you feel? Sure, you’re like, “Score! Freebie.” But don’t you feel the least bit obligated to that person? Maybe even uncomfortably so? In fact – you may even feel like, “I wish they wouldn’t do that…”

And if that doesn’t spell it out for you, I’ll do it here: Women do feel like, man…I wish he wouldn’t do all this. And there’s even some who think, “Score! Free dinner!”

In either case – it’s not good for you if you’re trying to get anywhere with her.

The psychology of these traditional dates is really eye-opening once you realize it. You ask her out. This automatically puts her in “power”. First, she has the opportunity to say No. And when you ask her out, it says that your evening would be better if she went out with you. That her company makes your day better. Not only does that give her “power” – it’s not what she’s looking for at all.

No – women want you to make their lives fun and interesting. And when you lead off with, “Hey, I’d really like to take you out….” You are saying that she will make your life more fun and interesting. And sadly, men continue to suffer under this notion that asking a woman out is step one on the way to her heart.

Some more of the dirty little secrets about traditional dates may surprise you. For example: Here’s a woman you just met and don’t know really well. Yet, you are displaying your willingness to make a great effort to impress her. And spend your hard-earned cash on someone you don’t even know yet. What does this say about you?

You may be like most guys and think it says you are a nice, good guy. But all it really says is that you don’t value your time and money very much. And this is important, because people tend to treat us the way we tell them to – and the way we treat ourselves.

If you don’t value things about yourself – like time, money, effort, etc., - guess what? She isn’t going to put a lot of value on you either. In fact – most men make this “date” completely effortless for her. The man makes reservations, picks her up, pays for everything, drops her off, and goes home and “takes care of himself” after not getting any. She doesn’t have to do anything. It’s easy for her. It’s free. And you may have heard me say this a million times, but you know what happens to stuff that we get for free. We place little value on it – because whoever gave it to us placed little value on it. And what do we do with things that have no value? Yup. We throw them away.

So, how do you actually “go out” with a woman and not do all this (and lots more) crap we’re talking about? Is there a right way to go on a “date”? Is there a “perfect date”? Well – yes. Of course there is. And I’ll share a few of the tips with you right now that can help you turn any “date” into a perfect one. For you and for her.

  1. First and foremost – don’t ever call your date with a woman “a date”. Just don’t do it. This eliminates all those “date” notions and pressures.
  2. Second – don’t ask her out. Simply tell her she should join you for xxxxx – it’ll be fun. This reiterates that it’s not this big “date” and that she “should” join you – in case she’s wondering if she should. And it sets the expectation that her life will be enhanced by this. That’s what she wants to know.
  3. Third – don’t pay for whatever it is you are doing. Do something free if you have to. And since you didn’t ask her out, and she is joining you for something fun, there really is no expectation that you are paying for anything.

Sound crazy? Sound impossible?

Well, lemme ask you this – how many guys out there take women on 2 and 3 dates, and pay for everything and get nowhere with them? Yeah – it happens all the time. So let’s put to bed right now this notion that paying for something is going to help you out. It’s not.

In my experience, not paying for a damned thing has helped me out tremendously. And it was as simple as figuring out that everytime I would take a woman out on big, fancy dates, with carriage rides and dinners and the whole red carpet treatment I ended up nowhere fast.

So eventually I had to try something new. Something different, at least. Because the old way wasn’t working. Not by a long shot. So if we know that guys don’t get laid when they spend tons of time and cash on a date, why is it so hard to believe that a guy can get laid by not spending tons of time and cash? Believe me – it isn’t only not hard to believe, it’s true. And it works.

Remember all that pressure, that unspoken “deal” that’s going on, and the value of yourself you display by doing it the old way.

  1. Now, the only things you have left to do when you meet her are simple.
  2. Don’t spend a lot of time “out”.
  3. Create interesting conversations and a connection.
  4. Get her to put more effort into everything than you are.
  5. Fast-forward the feelings of comfort and familiarity she has for you.
  6. Get her dying to see you again, soon.

Doesn’t sound simple? Well – it is. I do it all the time, and I teach men how to do it all them time.

In fact, it only takes a few hours to teach any man how to pull of the perfect dates and have different women all the time if that’s what they desire. And just about everything you need to know about getting a number the right way, how to make that phone call, where to go and what to talk about is all contained in my audio program The Perfect Date. It’s 3 hours of valuable information, mindset and technique to get you to the place where a date is no big deal, and it turns out the way you want it. And it’s just a part of the puzzle.

Once you’ve tried and practiced the techniques in The Perfect Date, you’ll see how easy it is to get women back to your place. And once they are there – we’ve got you covered too.

The Alpha Life Volume One will teach you exactly how to set up your apartment or house to get her ready for you, as well as how to not only display your alpha characteristics, but how to become and alpha man.

Then, The Perfect Date Volume Two will give you more than enough moves to give any woman a great evening in the bedroom. All of my audio programs zero-in on specific areas of need for all men – and any man can learn quickly the skills and attitude he needs to be successful at all stages of this crazy game we call women and dating. Give them all a listen, you will be glad you did.

And start to re-think your next date. Use you imagination to come up with an alternative – any alternative – to dinner and a movie that won’t cost you a dime, and will get her attracted to you. And if you need any help with that – simply download and listen to our my personal coaching on any of my audio programs. I’ll walk you through it all step by step. Or give me a call, and we’ll talk it out. But whatever you do – use the tips and the new attitude in this newsletter to start to get more success right away. Try it. You’ll like the results.

And always remember – without action, your dreams are just a wish.

Til next time

Live the Lifestyle,
J.D.