How to Avoid the Trap of the “Set Up” Date
….And date lots of great girls
There are a lot of different ways to meet new women. Every time you leave the house is an opportunity to meet someone new. Then there’s online, at work, school or classes, you name it.
One of my favorite ways to meet new women is through friends, and my social groups. When done properly, you have the chance to impress – and be impressed by – lots of quality women. And you have the added benefit of “social proof” – everybody already knows somebody in the group and by proxy everyone is already checked out and “ok”.
But one of the ways this can go totally wrong is when you let your well-meaning friends set you up. This is especially disasterous when a couple has “the perfect girl for you” Do you know this situation? The one where your buddy says, “Hey, my wife/girlfriend has a friend that you should go out with – I’ll totally set you up. We can double-date.” And there’s you. This sounds like a good deal on the surface. You don’t have to go out looking for women, your buddy assures you she’s hot and cool, and you’ll have another couple there with you to help break the ice and keep things moving.
Well, on paper this looks good. And in reality, it’s a one-way-ticket to a nightmare. Let me break it all down for you.
First and foremost – what is the mindset of someone who is setting you up, anyway?
You have this “couple” who are all lovey dovey. They may not be spending as much time with their friends as they used to because they have “eachother” now. Wouldn’t it be great if their friends were dating too, so they could all hang out? This isn’t necessarily an idea with nothing but your benefit in mind. There’s at least some selfish motive. Cant you just see them sitting around on the couch going, “you know who would make a great couple….?!” And your name comes up.
And truth be told – what kind of people do we usually look to “set up” anyway? Aren’t we the least bit concerned that our single friend(s) may never get a date? Or what about that girl we know who never seems to have a boyfriend. Hmmmm…..why is that? Maybe there’s a reason she doesn’t have men around.
So keep this in mind, too – it’s you or her that they look at as desperate, lonely and in need of assistance in the dating department. And either way – this works against you.
If it’s the set up girl they feel sorry for – well, then, she’s probably not that much of a prize to begin with. Our fun, exciting and sexy friends rarely elicit our pity.
And, well, if it’s you they feel needs help – how is this going to make you look to the girl they have in mind for you. They may as well say, “Hey…we have this friend. Poor guy never gets any dates. Do us a favor and just go out with him, would you? We’ll go with you so you’re never alone with him….” Etc.
Not as attractive an offer if you look at it this way, now is it? But that’s not all.
Have you ever actually been on one of these couple dates with a girl you’ve been set up with? It’s a frickin’ nightmare. The established couple loooooves to see their matchmaking skills in effect. And they are constantly watching your every move – everything you say. The spotlight is on and your “performance” is being judged.
It’s a lot of pressure that takes away from the spontaneous nature of things. And if you really are interested in this girl, you have no wiggle room whatsoever to really work your magic and go for it. How is this date going to end, anyway? Awkwardly is how. It’s not like there’s going to be group sex – somebody will get dropped off and there might be a handshake.
And of course lets not forget the time and money you will spend on the evening’s activities. I mean, what if you don’t even like this chick right out of the box? Then what do you do? You kinda have to go through with it at this point, don’t you?
There’s a million scenarios that can play out, and very very few of them are good for you. What I like to do – instead – when I have a friend or a couple that has “the girl for me” is never, ever agree to a set up double date. Instead – I tell my buddy, “Look – if she’s really into going out, gimme her number and I’ll give her call. See if she’s into giving me her number, and I’ll call her”. This is a great move for a couple reasons.
First – if she was the least bit “coerced” into this set up, this gives her an out – and you won’t be stuck out there with someone who just wants the night to end.
Second – if she’s adventurous and fun, she’ll give up her number. And you calling her shows you aren’t some meek, dateless schlub with no social skills.
And the best part of all is you can use one of the basic skills of dating – the priming date. The priming date is something I go into great detail explaining in my audio program: The Perfect Date – Volume One.
But in general, you can call this girl – have her meet you for coffee on a Sunday afternoon for 20 or 30 minutes and see if you two even like each other. Without spending any time or money. Then – and only then – do you escalate to a “date” and other activity – all without the watchful eyes of your friends – the couple. And the best part of all is you get to keep your friends. You aren’t a jerk because you simply took the rational, practical approach of calling and getting to know somebody – first.
If you think about it – that should come first. Accepting and going on the blind date or the set up date is putting the cart before the horse. And that’s why it’s always a nightmare and never works.
So while there is nothing wrong with your friends and your couple friends as a source for meeting new women, you should never depend on it as your only means of finding new women. It’s just one of many ways to enhance your chances of meeting lots of girls in lots of different ways.
And now you know how to use that source when they come to you with the set up. Now, everything you need to know about getting women’s numbers, exactly what to say on the phone, and how to set up and perfectly pull off the “priming date” is in my Perfect Date Volume One audio program. It is jam-packed with some of my best tips and techniques for everything from saying, “hi,” to getting her home on your couch.
While there are lots of options for meeting women, this program concentrates on the old-fashioned way. Find ‘em, meet ‘em, date ‘em. It’s a system for having multiple women at any given time ready to go and ready to date you. Set ‘em up and knock ‘em down.
Check it out now – and get your copy for much less than you’d spend on a typical, boring dinner date. And I’ll share with you the skills of how to not pay for dates, and why you shouldn’t.
All the best - JD