What is the NUMBER ONE issue I help men with – every time, ever day?

Hands down, it is this ever-pervasive fear of approaching.

A condition that almost every man has – even the ones who are good at approaching – and one that is quite frankly easily overcome with a few simple mindset changes.

During a recent WebCast Seminar I conducted, the students attending invariably started asking more and more questions about approaching – and that wasn’t even our topic.

So I started to ask questions back to them:

“Why are you afraid to approach a woman?”

Answers from students:

  • You put yourself on the line, could be humiliated
  • I don’t know what to say
  • I have a lack of experience in approaching women
  • The last time I did, I got a “no” and it takes like 3 months for me to get the courage up again


And all of those answers are legit – especially to the guy that has the issue. It’s real enough for him.

But I can tell you this now – everyone of those issues (humiliation, knowing what to say, lack of experience, and rejection recovery time) can easily be eliminated with a small mindset change.

A change to action. And I’ll explain all of it in the rest of this newsletter.

During that same seminar, I told this short, illustrative story:

There’s two guys in a foxhole in a war zone. Bombs blasting away, a battlefield in front of them, guns going off – a general hell of a situation. All of a sudden, a man from their unit is struck and wounded, about 25 yards out in the thick of it from where our two guys are, in the relative safety of their foxhole.

One of the men takes action – he jumps up out of the foxhole, risks life and limb to charge out and rescue his comrade, bringing him back to safety and a medic, saving his life. The other man sat in the foxhole, paralyzed by fear.

Now, I said to my students, what is the big difference between those two men in the foxhole?

Answers from students:

  • One guy – the hero – was fearless
  • The hero guy was crazy
  • The “fear” guy was a big wimp
  • One guy is Alpha, the other is Beta


And while all those things could be said, they miss the point.

You see – labeling these guys based on their behavior is simply describing a symptom.

That is, while the “hero” or “fearlessness” aspects we saw in his behavior describe characteristics of the Alpha guy in the duo, they don’t really describe what it is that made him different in the first place – what causes him to show those characteristics.

If you have read any of my material, you’ve no doubt read countless descriptions of Alpha Male Characteristics that you see in Alpha men all the time.

Things like,

“He always goes after what he wants” or he is the “natural leader”.

“An Alpha always appears in control of himself and his surroundings”.

And while it’s good to know what these characteristics are – what you really want to know is “How did he GET them”?  And, more importantly, “How do I get them?”

Stick with me – this ALL has do to with fear of approaching.

Let’s go back to our two guys in the foxhole.

Are they really THAT different?

Afterall – they are both human.

They are both males.

They are likely about the same age.

They went through the same training, and are in the same situation.

And get this – they both are experiencing fear.

Big time.

Who wouldn’t?

After all – being human, you have instincts, and those are pretty uncontrollable. When your life is at risk, when you are in danger, you experience fear.

In those cases – fear is your friend.

It causes a heightened sense of awareness of your surroundings – all of your senses are in peak performance. Adrenaline is coursing through your veins making you prepared for action. And your mind automatically goes to the best-case, clear-cut path to survival. It’s the fight or flight response.

And in this situation – the war zone – the easiest path to survival is “stay in the frickin’ foxhole”.

Or, in the case of guy number 2 – he is paralyzed by his fear.

His mind jumps to all of the scenarios – very quickly – and the consequences of those actions.

While death is not certain if he acts, it’s a possibility.

Rather than risk it – he stays put.

So does this mean our “hero” – Alpha guy number 1 who rescues his buddy – has no fear? Does it mean that somehow his mind doesn’t play out the scenarios and risks? That he is a cold-calculating machine incapable of feeling human emotion?

No way.

The fact is – he feels every bit of the same fear that Guy number 2 felt.

The difference is – he went forward and rescued his buddy anyway.

THAT is the difference.

You’ve heard me say this before – the characteristics of Alpha Males and Beta Males differ greatly, but the difference between the Alpha Man and the Beta Man is very small.

You see – men are men. Humans are human, and our human experience is the same. We all feel happiness, fear, jealousy, anger, sadness, and a whole range of complex emotions that are unique to us as human men.

When a man allows those emotions to control him – he becomes a Beta.


Betas have insecurity that causes them to seek approval.

They have fear which causes them to not act.

They have anger which causes them to lash out and fight.

Their emotions control them.

Alphas have all those emotions too – NO ONE can control what they feel.

But what you can control is how you react to what you feel.

To get on the fast-track to the Alpha Mindset - Download your own copy of my 3-hour training audio: The Alpha Life - Volume 1.

And when our Alpha guy jumped out of the foxhole and save his buddy – he displayed characteristics that we see in Alphas – like courage and fearlessness. That’s how it looks from the outside. That guy looks fearless. He is a natural born leader. He is in control of the situation.

Or is he?

As I’ve already said – he is not absent of fear. He’s just as full of it as anybody else.

But when you choose to act in spite of that – when you control how you react to your emotions – you appear to be Alpha. You display Alpha characteristics as a result.

This is why the Alpha is considered the natural leader.

If most men are unable to control their reactions to emotions, if most men are fearful of a situation, and they see a guy going out and doing exactly what they want to do in a given situation – that guy is mesmerizingly awesome to them.

It may get written off as, “He is crazy!” or “He has no fear!” – but those are just internal rationalizations Beta males make to save their own egos. Deep down they know they want to save their buddy, be the hero, get the girl, and everything else.

You can probably see by this point what this has to do with this so-called fear of approaching.

Does the guy who automatically approaches women have no fear at all?

No way.

He feels just like you do when you get that anxious feeling.

And if you think about it – if fear is a heightened emotive state for when we are in danger – what REAL danger are you in when you are in an approach situation?

Seriously – are you going to lose life and limb?

Seems kind silly if you think of our foxhole scenario as real fear.

I said that all of these approach conditions (humiliation, knowing what to say, lack of experience, and rejection recovery time) can easily be eliminated with a small mindset change.

That is a mindset of action.

Let me run through them:

Humiliation: If you approach multiple women every day, or every week for that matter, and you get “shot down” you quickly find out that there is no humiliation whatsoever. In fact, almost every woman who is not available or not interested will be nice to you. She will be flattered for sure, and she will likely give you some excuse as to why she can’t give you her number. And that’s about it.

The only way to KNOW THIS in your heart and mind – that this feared humiliation isn’t going to happen – is to experience over and over again approaching women. There is not other way to live down this unrealistic fear.

Think of it as this big monster you have built up in your mind that you truly believe lives in your closet in your bedroom. How do you prove to yourself that it doesn’t exist? You have to keep looking in the closet until you know it’s not real. It only exists in your head.

Knowing What to Say: While I can – and do – give you tons of great things to say to women in almost any situation (See my audios: The Art of the Pick Up Line and Complete Conversation Technique) what ultimately works FOR YOU is a result of trying out the lines and ideas, and seeing how women react and what you are comfortable with.

After all, you could read and study everything there is about hitting a baseball – but ultimately you have to take some swings. It is a skill acquired by experience. And all of the great lines and techniques I have I got through trial and error. When something didn’t work or bombed, I didn’t do that anymore. When something did, I kept it and used it again, and built on it.

Lack of Experience: Well, is there any other way to say this other than the only way to get experience is to DO IT? I asked one of the guys who cited “lack of experience approaching” as an issue, “Do you have any experience skydiving?” And he said no. I asked him why. And the obvious answer is that he never did it.

I personally have tons of experience approaching women. How? Well, frankly, I go forward and approach women. All the time – that’s how. I’m not different than you are except that I moved forward in spite of any anxiety I had when it came time to approach. I got to a point where I was sick of missing opportunities based solely on some silly fear.

Rejection Recovery Time: If it takes you 3 months to “get the courage up” to approach another woman after you’ve been “shot down” – then in a best-case scenario you will only approach 4 women a year.

Wow. Don’t you think that greatly decreases your odds of success?

On the other hand – if you don’t allow this emotive response to a “no” control you like this, and you simply go approach another woman, your recovery time doesn’t even come into play. You are moving on instantly. You are going forward in spite of your emotive state. Or, as we like to call it: Being Alpha.

The ONE THING that cures all those ills is: ACTION.  Your mindset is: I approach women. All the time.

The Alpha Mindset of moving forward – in spite of any emotions like “fear.”

Of course there are situations where moving forward in spite of fear is very, very dangerous. Fear is there for a reason. But approaching a woman is NOT on of those situations. Not by a long shot.

In fact – it’s not really fear at all. You aren’t in danger – it’s just anxiety. And the best way to overcome anxiety is to simply move forward. It is the only way to get good at this. It’s the only way to increase your odds. It’s the way to become Alpha.

To get on the fast-track to the Alpha Mindset - Download your own copy of my 3-hour training audio: The Alpha Life - Volume 1.

Live the lifestyle
JD

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