What to Do if You’re Dating More than One Woman
Letters from readers:
I’m dating a woman right now, and it hasn’t gotten exclusive, and there’s another woman I’m interested in. How do I keep them finding out about each other, or how do I get with number two and keep number one around just in case?
Awesome question. Sounds like you almost had it right – “it’s not exclusive” – so then, what’s the problem? And I can’t tell you how much I get this question. It’s what I like to call a quality problem - more than one woman or prospect. But the real problem isn’t having two women. The problem is how you went about it in the first place. The reason you are even in this situation to begin with is that your initial approach - the setting up of the relationship with woman number one - was flawed. That’s okay - we’ll solve this.
But first - let’s talk about how to do this right in the future.
1. You have to know what you want, and be willing to stick to it. No woman changes this for you. So, if your mindset is: “I’m not looking for a relationship, I’m going to date around, I will date several women at a time” - you need to establish this with yourself first.
2. Then - you absolutely must establish this from day 1 with ANY woman you consider dating. Sounds counter intuitive on the surface - but let’s look at it.
If I’ve just met a woman, and I casually drop into the conversation, “I’m not really looking to settle down right now or have a girlfriend, but I could see myself doing that with the right woman. ” - what happens?
There is, first, the very real possibility that she won’t go for this, and bail. And that’s okay. Why? Because this is about you not her - and you’ve established before you even met her that your mindset - your commitment to yourself - is that you aren’t settling down at this time. So that being true, you’ve just been able to eliminate this woman from your consideration, based on her inability to play according to your rules. I’ve had plenty of women “lie” and say they are cool with me dating around, when in reality they weren’t. It all eventually comes out, but has the effect of amping up their effort to please me and be with me. Most often attractive, successful, single women will understand and even have the same mindset. They probably are dating around too.
So from day one, you say it like this - “I’m not really looking for an exclusive relationship right now, but I could see myself doing that with the right woman” Set expectations, be honest, and give her something to work for. Whether or not you are dating multiple woman doesn’t matter. Tell her it is so, and act accordingly. It actually can make you look more attractive. It’s the aura of “other women”. One of the most powerfully effective techniques I teach is to have a good, steady female friend that can go out with you into single’s situations. You are instantly more attractive and in-demand simply by proxy to a beautiful woman. There’s a whole chapter on the female friend in my Dating Attitude Ebook.
Okay - as to your situation.
If you haven’t told girl number one already, it’s time to do so. Casually drop it into the conversation. I would also hint that you like where things are headed so far.
“I’ve really been enjoying your company and the pace we’re moving this.” Or “I enjoy dating around and could see myself being really exclusive with the right woman.” You can let her know, “It’s cool to date somebody open-minded like you.”
If she presses for what that means, Tell her. “I don’t see you as my girlfriend, yet. I know you can appreciate my honesty.” Don’t emphasize the “yet” – just let it be there. Perhaps you lose her over this. That’s just fine. She’s not down with where you are. But you definitely don’t want to have to sneak around, lie, and explain yourself.
One of two things happens:
- You tell her, and whattya know, she’s cool with it (or says so), then you date girl number two - telling her the same thing from the get go.
- You tell her, she bails, and you start fresh with girl number two - and all successive girls - telling her the same thing from the get go.
Don’t be afraid - ever - to lose a woman in this manner. There are plenty of them. And starting today, you don’t compromise your integrity or lifestyle for anybody. If you have a “just in case” attitude - like you may not ever get another woman - then you still have some work to do on that alpha attitude. The beauty of being alpha is, you really don’t worry about stuff like this. There’s lots more on attitude and being a the alpha man in detail at my website. If you haven’t checked it out yet, you should.
Made the Transformation to Alpha
I have been completely transformed. I never realized how “beta” I was - until I discovered the art of being an alpha male through the Modern Male Lifestyle and JD’s teachings. I had to ask myself - what was I doing? Was it working? And then it was time for a change. I can’t stress enough how much Mr. Dallas’ one-on-one coaching and audio programs have changed my life - for the better. Women now chase me - as they do with all alpha males.
All the best,
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J.D. Dallas at Modern Male has changed the way I think - for the better.
I was the classic push-over, nice guy - constantly getting into the friend zone and being totally frustrated!
It was a small change - something clicked.
As I write this, I have 3 girlfriends - and they ALL know about each other.
JD knows his stuff!Parker J.