Understanding Why Women Flake

by | Apr 1, 2015 | Sex and Dating |

Flaking is not showing up for that first meeting or date. 

Flakes are something that will happen to all of us.  For those who don’t know, a flake is a girl who avoids your phone calls, your messages, won’t set up a date, doesn’t show up, etc.

Understanding what happened and where you went wrong will help you avoid this in the future.

First of all – please don’t take flakes personally.  It doesn’t mean you suck if a woman doesn’t show up or answer your calls.

Usually it just means you made a mistake somewhere, and mistakes are fixable.  Flakes happen to everyone at some time or another. So get it through your head:  It doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you as a person or a man.

I know it can be very confusing, and lead to frustration, because even though a girl clearly likes you that night, she still flakes and still doesn’t want to meet you again.

Here’s why:

(the 2 most likely scenarios)

1)  You completely hit it off with a girl you meet at a bar, club, party, etc.  She is clearly into you.  Maybe you even make out with her and she gives you her phone number. You are feeling really good about this prospect.

Then she never answers your calls.

Explanation : She was obviously attracted to you. Keep in mind - attraction is an emotion, and emotions dissipate over time.

So, a few days later she doesn’t feel much of anything for you.

If this happens regularly it means you are relying too much on generating attraction to meet women.

This is an effective tool -  but often leads to flakes because it’s only ONE PART of the game. It doesn’t motivate her to reinitiate contact because there is nothing special about you on a deeper level.

And as is often the case – the prettier or hotter the girl is, the more likely this will happen.

She meets a guy just about every time she goes out so she has a lot of men trying to get her attention. What makes you stand out?

Your Solution:

You aren’t creating a CONNECTION. Don’t just rely on just attraction.  Men stay with attraction technique for a long time because it is very fun and it seems to be working.

You have to move to the next phase which is rapport – that connection that will stick with her past the emotion of attraction.

This is where your conversation technique comes into play. Use the rapport building techniques discussed in my audio training and spend time connecting with her on a deeper level.

There are lots of different ways to do this – you should try them all and see what works best for you. It may feel weird at first, but mastering this will eliminate flakes once you get the hang of it.

WHY this is: Your connection with her takes place in the logical part of her brain, not the emotional. So once you nail it, it stays there. Emotions come and go – which is why attraction is not enough to keep her interest 2 days after you meet her and call her up.

So once you have your attraction built – move on to Connection. Because once you successfully connect with her, she will like you forever.

Attraction is forgettable.  A deep emotional connection is not.  If she just feels attraction and fun towards a stranger, you are just some guy she was horny for that night.  That’s usually enough for a man – but not for women.

Remember: Connection prevents Flakes.

Here’s another scenario:

2) You get a phone number.

You call – you set up a date.

You are texting, flirting, everything is going well.

It’s the day of the date…and she cancels.

What the heck?

Explanation: She likes you a lot and she wants you.  While she’s getting ready, she starts thinking about you and it starts turning her on and getting her horny.  She realizes that she may not be able to control herself and may end up having sex with a stranger tonight.

She starts to release adrenaline and too much adrenalin leads to fear and fear leads to a flake.

The flake at the end is not an emotion itself but rather a logical decision she makes based on her emotions. The flake is a result of this chain of emotions.

Your Solution:

Prevent this chain of emotions from ever happening.

If this happens to you often, it means you are either too sexual or too needy before sex actually happens.

It means you are projecting over the phone or text that you want to have sex with her too much.

Even she wants it, and she likes it, if you overdo it you risk bringing up resistance.

It’s best not to get sexual with her until you are physically together on the date.

Not before.

The phone and text game before the date – remember, YOU are evaluating HER. You may not like her yet. Keep her guessing.

This way her instincts kick in due to her attraction to your presence and touch which reduces the resistance and you are there to comfort her if there is any.

Needy guys will have this problem a lot because they go into a feeding frenzy as soon as they think they are going to get some action.

This is not the behavior of guys who have lots of options with women.  Play it cool and sex will happen.  Get desperate and you will blow it.

If you are looking to get really really good with women – you need to get the Modern Male Lifestyle audio training now. Check out and buy all of our Alpha Male programs here.

Get the instruction that will kick your game up to a new level.

Sometimes girls like you when they first meet you and you get there number, but over the next dayor so go off you, hence cancelling the date.

It’s not always that they are testing you.

But if it is a girl who is playing games, then don’t play, don’t chase after her and play her little game of manipulation.

Now if a girl genuinely is unable to come to the date, but still is interested, then she would be open to rescheduling the date. Don’t be too critical, there are situations where a girl really cannot come.

Some of you may think this “testing” stuff is nonsense. Look - it happens. But my experience is that girls play games, women don’t.

That is - if a woman really likes you, she won’t risk screwing it up by playing some stupid game.

Yes, sometimes they’ll ask you certain questions to see what your response is, but as far as cancelling dates?

That’s what an immature girl does because she doesn’t know how to say no in the first place.

Solution: Change the type of females you ask out.

Attraction is forgettable.  A deep emotional connection is not.  If she just feels attraction and fun towards a stranger, you are just some guy she was horny for that night. 

That’s usually enough for a man – but not for women.

Remember: Connection prevents Flakes.

J.D. Dallas

Dating Coach, Modern Male Lifestyle

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