The 5 Best Openers for Talking to Women

by | Apr 12, 2015 | Approaching |

Have you ever asked yourself, “How do I start a conversation with a girl?”

Here’s your answer. Almost every man I talk to about picking up women always says the same thing. “I don’t know what to say,” or, “How do I start a conversation with her?” And any manner of things that boils down to freezing up due to lack of preparation or abundance of fear.

While you’ve probably heard tons of clunkers for “pick up lines” and may have even tried some awful ones – I’m only going to focus on some of the best conversation starters I’ve come across in my years of experience in meeting women. Let’s first dive into what “openers” are and what makes a good one, then we’ll talk about some of my favorites.

Need more confidence? Try these Top Workouts for Men.

PUA Opener – Definition
PUA = Pick Up Artist.
Opener = First words you say to engage a woman in an interesting conversation.
For a complete list of the best tried and tested conversation starters I’ve ever come across, and how to use them correctly, download and listen to my 3-hour audio program, Complete Conversation Technique.

Why is a good opener different from pick up lines?

When you think of pick up lines you probably think of some cheesy line like, “What’s your sign?” Or “Did it hurt? Falling from heaven.” While the classic “pick up lines” seem like they’re designed to attract women – they actually do the opposite: Send them heading for the hills. They’ve heard them all.

original_em_80percent_160x600On the other hand – a good opener at first glance appears like it isn’t designed to pick up women at all. It’s much more stealth.

What makes a PUA opener different from a pick up line is that generally openers do not start out with some sort of show of interest in the woman. A good PUA opener should leave the woman guessing what your real intentions are. And this alone makes you seem more interesting to the woman – it’s a little mystery. Best of all, when you use a good PUA opener, she’ll put her guard down – and then you can make the “connection” with her.

So if you are not going to state your sexual interest in her, what is the opener going to actually do? A good opener engages everyone the woman is talking to. When approaching a group you will open the entire group.

There is a killer, step-by-step technique for this in the Conversation Technique Audio – which allows you to gain acceptance from her peers and isolate her from the group if you wish. A good opener starts a conversation with a girl in a way that sets you apart from the other guys who have approached her. A good opener skips over the normal, boring small talk that kills most approaches instantly.

5 Ways to Open a Conversation

There are at least five different ways to start a conversation.

1. One is directly - using a direct opener.
2. The second is using an indirect opener.
3. Third is using a gimmick or trick opener.
4. Fourth is a situational opener.
5. And fifth is inviting her into a conversation you’re already having.

Direct Openers
A direct opener is just that. Direct. You go over and show interest. This is an advanced technique – and I recommend it only to those brimming with confidence and a devil-may-care attitude. There is a lot to be said for not hiding the fact that you have come over here to hit on her.

You can do this by saying something you’ve Googled online, like, “Hey, you’re giving off an incredible energy, and I had to come over here and see what your deal was.” Notice though, you are not complimenting the woman to seek her approval. You’re complimenting her from a mindset of confidence. Your unapologetic attitude is what makes you so attractive to her.

• Being direct displays massive confidence, assuming you deliver it in a confident manner and it lets a woman know your intention right off the bat. This eliminates any confusion that could put you in the friend zone.
• When you do something direct – you are doing everyone a favor. Is she available? Go find out. Who cares? This keeps you from spending too much time talking to a woman who is blatantly not interested or who has a boyfriend.
• It takes balls. And if you’re not confident yet, it’s going to be really hard to pull it off.
• It gives you less time to build attraction. You’re putting her on the spot. You are forcing her to make up her mind about you very quickly – but your confident approach will help her do this. Be prepared for either outcome – she’s smitten or not interested.

Indirect Openers
This is one of the best techniques known to man. You’re starting a conversation in a way that you would start a conversation with somebody else at the bar you aren’t interested in sleeping with. And it’s just asking opinion on something. An example of that is, ‘Do I look metrosexual?’ “Do I look like a criminal?” “Is kissing someone cheating?” Again, plenty more where this came from in the Conversation Audio.

• You don’t have to be super-confident to use an opinion opener. You can always bail out of it with no “rejection” – as opposed to the direct opener, where you basically say, “I like what I see – how about you?” That takes more confidence.
• You catch her with her guard down and create some mystery. She doesn’t have to be in “I’m getting hit on mode”. There’s no pressure on the girl, which means that there is a lot more time to build attraction.
• If you don’t know how to transition to attraction conversation, you come across as friendly and non-threatening – i.e. friend material.

Trick/Gimmick Openers
These take a certain type of personality to use. It can be something like pretending you’re doing an interview, using a prop, or doing magic.

• You differentiate yourself from other guys.
• It’s pretty easy to use and it captures her attention.
• You need to have a quick follow up.
• You run the risk of appearing like a clown.

Situational Openers
An example of a situational opener is just turning to a woman you’re next to and making a comment about the environment – where you are, what’s going on. To use a situational opener you just need to know the situation - be aware of what is going on around you.

Notice something worth commenting on – like the bass player’s haircut, the goofy-looking guy over there, the crowded nature of the room – then you can just turn to the woman and start the conversation. I often just lean in and act like we’re already talking. “He should’ve talked to a female friend before choosing that hat, don’t you think?”

• They are very easy to use as they are non-threatening
• They appear more spontaneous

• Sometimes you can spend way too much time trying to find something worth commenting on and you lose an opportunity to talk to a girl.
• These don’t really differentiate you from other men.
I think you can clearly see that this is different than using some Google’d pick up lines or ones you might have heard used on television or in the movies. I’m going to list some of the most effective opening lines I’ve used to start conversations with girls.
The following are from my research in compiling the Conversation Technique Audio Program and The Art of the Pick Up Line Audio Program.

Direct Compliment Opener
“I love your style. You’ve got a great look – you must be very creative.”
This opener works well because everyone loves to be thought of as “creative.”

She’ll either say yes, she is very creative and then talk to you about it, or deny that she is – at which point you can respectfully disagree with her, again pointing out that she has great style. She could probably help you with your style – tell her to check you out. Turn around like a model, and say, “C’mon – be honest. What do you think?”

Liquor Store Robbery
“Hey ladies – anyone here a good driver? Me and my friend are robbing the store across the street, and wouldn’t you know it… the driver cancelled on us! All you need to do is picks us up in 10 minutes, and drive us to airport. I can offer you 3%.”

This almost always leads into good conversation, with good energy. Tons of fun. Great to pull if you are with a buddy, and approaching two women. My students are reporting that this is their favorite opener right now. It seems you’ll need to be ready for the women to want to negotiate their percentage! You can say, well, maybe in the future for bigger jobs, we’ll keep you in mind. Better give me your number.

Criminal Opener
Used with a friend en tow. Use a funny, just-got-done-laughing type of feel. Like you were just talking to your dude about how he looks like a – in this case – criminal. You can customize this to anything you like, by the way.

“Hey, I need your opinion on something…does my friend here look like criminal?” (chicks usually either laugh or look quizzically) “Because we were outside and some dude came up to him and touched him on the shoulder like this… (go ahead – touch her!) and asked, ‘Hey man, where can I get some weed?’”

Awesome Opinion Opener – Reality Show
This is one I found during my years of research – I forget where it came from but I didn’t make it up.

“Hey, my friend here just got invited to be on the Jerry Springer show. But the theme of the show is Secret Admirers. They told him he’s got an admirer, but he won’t find out whom until he’s live on the set. So maybe it’ll be someone cute, but maybe not; it might even be a guy. What would you do if you were him?”

Cheating Email Opener
This is by far my favorite – it works with one woman, two women, or a group of women. This one is taken directly from Complete Conversation Technique Audio Program.

Women love to give their opinion. Always keep that in mind when at a loss for what to open with.

Not only that – when you ask them something they can relate to, or about a situation they can easily see themselves in (or have been in) you have great conversation. How to take this one to then next level is in the audio, but here are the nuts and bolts of this opener.

“Hey, this will only take a second – I need a woman’s perspective on something.”

Go on to say, “My best buddy was dating this girl – and she somehow hacked into his email and saw that he was still in contact with his ex-girlfriend. Well she totally freaked on him! Is she outta line or is he?”

Have some back up info at the ready – like, no – he wasn’t being sexual with the ex, just friendly. Or, I don’t know how she got into his email – maybe he left it signed on – but would you look if you could? Or – has anybody ever done that to you? Paying attention to your target woman’s opinions will help you later establish how much you have in common, by the way.

Those are just the beginning of some of my great openers – all culled from years of trying them out, making them up or feedback from others in the field. Although the openers above are quite good (and tested) I realize that everyone has different personalities and feel comfortable using different kinds of openers. So I collected my favorite, successful all-time best PUA openers and compiled them all into The Complete Conversation Technique Audio, and followed it up with The Art of the Pick Up Line.

You’ll instantly get your audios via download link to your email, and this means you’ll have absolutely no excuse not to be approaching women tonight.

All the best –
Live the lifestyle,


Free Ebook and Newsletter


400-Pages: Dating & Relationship How-To Instructional Guide for Men - Click book Image to Get Yours Free

Featured Products


Get Involved In the Discussion