How To Give A Great Compliment

Here’s a favorite compliment technique of mine. Always compliment on the unexpected.

For example, if a woman is very good looking, there’s no doubt she has heard it many times already. There’s no need to compliment on her looks like everybody else does. If you do, what you are really doing is being like all the other men who have come before you – translation: you don’t stand out.

What can/should you compliment her on?
• Intelligence
• Style
• An article of jewelry

original_120x600_EM_pg_banner3I like to use a phrase like, “Wow. (pause) – you have a really great sense of style.”

I guarantee you no man has ever used the word “style” when talking to a woman – and it’s easily one of the biggest things a woman prides herself on. Think about it – women do want to look good for us, and they spend a lot of time and money doing so. And to them – this is an individual stylistic area of their lives that many of them define themselves by.

It goes way beyond a cute t-shirt or skirt. Which is the kind of generic compliment most men give: “Hey, cute skirt.” When a guy does that, he totally misses her individual style. When you compliment her “sense of style” you are really saying (in her mind):

• You look good
• I’ve noticed your fine effort to construct a look
• I’m very socially aware and fashion aware
• I’m cooler and different than every other man

Women talk and live style and fashion all the time – and let’s face it: Men don’t. So it is totally unexpected and will thrill her when YOU bring it up to compliment her. You are not complimenting the hot chick on being hot – you are complimenting her savvy, her fashion-awareness, etc. The hot chick loves that.

Good follow up conversation - I like to engage her in rating some of the “outfits” in the room. “Hey… what’s up with that guy’s hat? Did he still it from his grandpa?” And so on - women love to give their opinion - and when you stealthily ask for it, you are giving her a unique and satisfying compliment (I respect what you have to say, and think you are an expert) and creating a little “IN” world that the two of you share. (we know fashion… we are making fun of them).

The trick is - Learn to compliment people on areas where praise is most desired, and you will be on your road to success. For example: Let’s say you know a guy who’s very intelligent but really skinny. You know that he’s been trying to gain weight. Which of the following lines do you think will have a greater impact on him?
• “You’re very intelligent. I am glad to have your help.”
• “Whoa dude. Have you been working out? Your chest is getting big…you should buy some new clothes soon!”
You see – straying from the obvious (he is intelligent, she is hot., etc) and setting yourself apart by hitting the unexpected is one of the key elements to using compliments effectively. Your mission, therefore, should be to understand women and how they work – which will give you the insight into what they really want to hear – and really want in a man. Of course, that’s what we teach at Modern Male Lifestyle.

In my book The Dating Attitude for example, there’s an entire chapter on compliments, and how to use them effectively. In my Audio Program Total Control there is a section on using compliments for control.

Here’s a great compliment tip. If you are in a relationship with a woman – be it casual or otherwise – try this fun little game for yourself. Compliment things about her (behaviors, clothes, etc) you like and want to see more of. For example –

“Wow…I really like the way you (insert activity here).”

I think you know what kind of activities we’re talking about. Love a woman in high heels? Tell her, “Wow – those shoes are amazing. You have a great sense of style and they make you look so hot.” If she doesn’t wear heels every day around you after that – I’ll be stunned! Try it with your next waitress or bartender - just to see if it works. (it will). “Wow - you are really an attentive waitress - I can tell this is going to be a great night.”

Encourage the behaviors you like - ignore the ones you don’t. I’ll be sharing more compliment tips later this month – so stay tuned.

For more great ways to talk to women - see my audio training book on conversation here.

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